


Her Silver Lining

by radhaj



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Family Issues, First Dates, First Love, First Time, M/M, Male to Female, Romance, Trans Character, mtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-18 13:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1430026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radhaj/pseuds/radhaj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The job might not be the most prestigious and by far not something she had envisioned herself doing to support herself at this point of her life. But perhaps this whole thing was exactly what she needed to finally feel confident in who she was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stripedraccoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stripedraccoon/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am sorry, but this fic deserves a big note from me in the beginning. You are free to skip it of, course, but then don't get mad at me later for things that I will already explain here. I just really feel this needs to be explained and underlined.
> 
> THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION.
> 
> Please keep that in mind the entire time while reading it. I wrote this to get rid of a plot bunny and to delve into a topic that intrigued me and which I wanted to challenge as a writer, but, despite that, it is still _only_ fiction and  thus it is not completely realistic. Certain things I've tweaked on purpose to suit my plot (such as certain Japanese laws and the limits of medical intervention – hey this is fiction and I am God in its universe), other things don't reflect the reality because of my admitted ignorance to them. As someone who has not been personally involved with the issues in question, I no doubt lack knowledge about certain things and am bound to make mistakes although I did attempt to inform myself as well as I could.
> 
> I do not mean to offend anyone with this work of fiction or make light of real struggles that some people have to confront every day. I think of myself as a passable writer generally, but I can't claim to be able to convey emotional turmoil that people who actually go through this experience feel. If some of these people happen to read this, please kindly keep in mind that there will likely be many unrealistic parts in this and if you think you will be bothered by it, consider stopping before you start reading. I truly do not wish to cause anyone any bad feelings with this story that is only meant for entertainment.
> 
> Similarly, people that  _don't_ know about these things personally should take everything written inside with a grain of salt. This is not meant to be educational and as I've already mentioned, some facts are _intentionally_ twisted to suit my idea of the universe that I wished to create for my  _fictional_ story. If you are interested about trans-sexuality, transitioning or any similar topics, please do your own research and don't consider this fic as part of it. 

# Prologue

She squinted at the mirror, turning her head to one side, and then to the other, inspecting her face from every angle. With her hair pulled back into the braid that her new job demanded she keep it in, the shape of her face was too exposed for her peace of mind, making her feel a little insecure. She took a deep breath. She was fretting for no reason, surely. It was just... an instinct. Keep as much hidden as possible and then maybe, just maybe you'll be able to go through an entire day without seeing that spark of suspicion light up in someone's eyes for once. Maybe.

A small sigh escaped her lips and then she redirected her attention lower. Well at least _this_ definitely helped. Full lips curling into a cheeky smile, her hands slid down her body, her immaculately manicured fingers running down over her snugly-fit uniform, straightening out the lacy material wherever it was crooked and taking specific care to adjust her boobs. Not very comfortable, but she was quite a bit more busty than the average Japanese woman so it was no surprise that the pre-made uniform was squeezing her chest a bit more than was strictly necessary. She would have to ask if it was okay for her to take it home and adjust a seam or two...

She chose to reserve her judgement of what kind of people still demanded their maids to wear French maid outfits in this day and age (not the absurdly sexualized Halloween costume version, of course, but it was still a bit eyebrow-raising) as it suited her just fine. The knee-length skirt of the black dress, the white stockings and lacy decorations worked perfectly in distracting people from things she didn't want noticed and underlining the things that she was proud of. Perhaps this whole thing was exactly what she needed to finally feel confident in who she was. The job might not be the most prestigious and by far not something she had envisioned herself doing to support her studies at Keio, but it might actually turn out for the better.

“Shouko-kun, if you are ready now?”

The gentle and grandfatherly voice of the house steward woke her from her musings and she suddenly realized she might have taken a bit too long to dress. Throwing one last look over her figure in the full-length mirror before her to make sure everything was in place, she turned and quickly stepped towards the door, opening it to see the elderly man who had been waiting behind it so he could give her a tour on her orientation day and explain her duties.

“Yes, Fujita-san,” she answered, smiling timidly and bowing slightly to the man that was nice and understanding enough to overlook everything and her direct superior, “I'm sorry I took so long.”

“It is all good, it's not like this old man has anywhere to hurry to,” the elderly servant joked back at her good-naturedly and she felt warmth flooding over her heart. It was thanks to this kind man that she was at all hired in this household, because certainly, had the new maid been hired by the Masters of the place directly, she wouldn't have even been considered. The strictly conservative views of the Ninomiya family were well known in Japan by anyone who at all followed the political scene, after all. But Fujita-san hadn't cared about anything other than her willingness to do any work assigned to her when he was inspecting her application and now here she was, being led by him away from the servants' quarters to the second floor of the big mansion. She could only hope that whatever contact she would have with the actual members of the family would be minimal.

“You will mostly be responsible for the second floor of the west wing. There you can find the guest rooms that are used by most of the mansion's visitors as well as the chambers of the young Master. Your duties will be to keep these rooms clean, prepare the guest rooms when the Masters are expecting visitors, take care of the laundry and help out anyone residing here with what they need,” the steward was saying as he slowly climbed the grand stairs to the second floor of the house and she followed, politely, half a step behind him, “Sometimes, on the more busy evenings, you might be asked to help out with easy tasks in the kitchen, but nothing complicated. In general, you shouldn't find the job too exhausting. Although we get visitors often, they all stay a day or two at the most. And the young Master is... well, he doesn't really like relying on the servants too much, so he shouldn't turn out too demanding either. In fact, because of his rather distanced relationship with the family, he prefers spending most of his time not home so you might not even meet him often. And even when he _is_ at home, he is usually too preoccupied with his passions to pay attention to anyone.”

Shouko had immediately felt relief at hearing that the one member of the family that she was, apparently, supposed to actually serve personally usually didn't interact with the people of the household much. But the elderly man's following sentence distracted her right away again with its wording.

“His... passions?” She asked, wincing when her voice cracked a little in the middle of a word, but Fujita-san didn't even blink.

“Oh yes. Passions. The young Master gets truly passionate about the few things that he actually cares about,” he spoke, sounding as fond as only an old servant of the family that had obviously watched the boy grow up could, “Mostly it is video games though,” the man then added with a lovingly exasperated chuckle, “And music. Young Kazunari has always loved music.”

As the steward added that last piece of information, they were finally walking down the wide corridor to the part of the house that Shouko was apparently supposed to be responsible for from now and so she could actually hear it then: the soft, mostly muffled sound of a lyrical melody played on a piano that was slowly getting more audible as they progressed down the hallway.

“The young Master _is_ at home today, however,” the elderly servant answered the unasked question with a smile, “Which is perfect as I should introduce you,” he explained as he stopped in front of a huge double-door behind which the music was  flowing from.

It was not really a surprise to Shouko who knew this was coming from the moment she heard the music and realised that the son of the family that she was to serve was at home. Still, fortunately, Fujita-san understandingly gave her a few moments to get ready and Shouko did her usual check-up, from bottom upwards. Her shoes were well fastened (her usual flats as it was never high-heels for her – she was too tall as it was) so she wasn't going to trip over them (a far too common an occurrence for her clumsy self), her stockings perfectly pulled up and held up by her garter-belts and she hadn't torn anything, yet. Her frilly skirt was straightened out as much as possible and her uniform was impeccably settled over her curvy figure. It was as good as it would ever get and she nodded, prompting the elderly man to knock. The beautiful music suddenly stopped.

“Yes, come in, what is it?”

The young and slightly nasal voice sounded a bit irritated and Shouko felt uncomfortable immediately, feeling very unwelcome and like she was intruding. But the steward took a second to flash her a smile, as if to tell her that this was how it usually went.

“Please excuse us,” Fujita-san intoned habitually as he opened the door and entered the huge room behind them, leading Shouko inside it.

It was a music room, with a fashionable pianoforte as its centrepiece, some furniture to accommodate any listeners, and a few more other instruments tidily scattered along the walls including a drum-set, a bass guitar and a few other guitars. Shouko felt her fingertips tingling as she realized what a masterpiece of craftsmanship was the pianoforte in front of her, but she elegantly clasped her hands behind her as she approached the man sitting behind the instrument.

He was no less of a masterpiece, she realized, her heart giving a lurch as she stood just a step behind the family servant showing her around. The man was gorgeous, sitting behind the forte-piano and giving off a perfect image of aristocracy. He belonged there, his fingers barely touching the ivory keys of the instrument now, resting on them, his handsome face half-turned towards them with his eyebrow slightly raised, as if questioning their very presence in his sanctuary. Shouko fidgeted a little, but her guide was not at all affected.

“Young Master, I wish to introduce our new maid, Sakurai Shouko,” Fujita-san spoke calmly, gesturing at her, “She will be working here from today onwards.”

Shouko tensed up and bowed her head deeply.

“Please treat me kindly,” she spoke in her soft voice, hoping she sounded right because first impressions were always the most important. When she straightened her lithe form back again she was confronted by the young man now looking straight at her, his eyebrow raised. Her heart sank in trepidation, but his expressions didn't seem too vicious so she held her breath, hoping.

“What happened to old lady Katano?” the young Master asked though, for now ignoring her, obviously addressing the steward so she kept quiet, vaguely recognizing the surname of her predecessor whom she was supposed to be replacing.

“She retired, young Sir,” the older man explained calmly, “She wished to spend some more time with her grandchildren at her old age.”

“Hm, is that so,” the young man frowned, suddenly seeming troubled, and looked down at the keyboard, stroking his fingertips along the keys absent-mindedly without making a sound, “I heard nothing about that.”

For once, it was the old steward that seemed taken aback and out of words, but after a short moment of confusion he recovered again.

“If young Master so wishes, I could inform Kagano-san she is welcome to visit?” he offered tentatively and the son of the Ninomiya family nodded, brightening up again a little.

“That would be acceptable,” he informed seriously, closing the subject, before turning to face Shouko again and she found herself straightening up immediately again under his judging gaze.

“So you're the replacement then,” he spoke, unhiddenly looking her down from head to toe and standing up, stepping closer to her, “A student?” he guessed quickly and she nodded.

“Social Sciences, Sir,” she answered quickly, “Keio university,” she revealed, knowing that the prestige of her schooling was crucial for her getting the job, feeling her heart fluttering in her chest more than it had during the actual job interview. The young man in front of her let out a whistle.

“I know my folks have always had a thing for hiring “properly educated” servants, but this is getting ridiculous,” he let out, astounded, “But then again, I'm not complaining. You're truly a pretty one, aren't you?” he asked and Shouko immediately flushed incredibly hard at the unexpected praise, looking down at the floor, not knowing how to answer. But then there were short, stubby fingers (how did he manage to play the piano that well with those?) at her chin, making her look up again at the man's handsome face and the smug smile curling on his lips, “Especially when you blush like this,” he whispered, his voice silky and Shouko found herself heating up even more. Seriously, a playboy? It was just her luck that her first real employer would be someone as flirty as this guy, but at least he didn't suspect her secret. Or... did he? She still couldn't shake away the sight of his initially raised eyebrow that had made her think she hadn't passed. Shouko shifted her weight from one foot to another, still not knowing how to answer.

“Young Master!” Fujita-san interrupted chidingly then and the man immediately reacted, withdrawing his hand and taking a step back.

“Ah yes, we can't have a sexual harassment lawsuit,” he commented lightly, not looking bothered by the idea at all despite his words, “At least not so soon,” he added, winking at Shouko and making her blush more as he sat back down in front of the piano, “Well then, I'll look forward to seeing you around, Shouko-chan,” he said with a cheeky smile as he started pressing keys aimlessly and yet no less harmonically, “Maybe I'll finally have a reason to hang around in the big house more now that you're here.”

Great, just great, she thought while, after bowing and excusing themselves, she and Fujita-san stepped out to continue their tour. Apparently, after seeing her, this Ninomiya Kazunari guy actually did plan to stay at home more often, which far from suited her well. Especially since she didn't even know if he had  _guessed_ yet, so she didn't know if she was supposed to stay as careful as possible or if it didn't matter because he already knew and, apparently, unlike his family, didn't care.

But well, at least, she thought as she shyly glanced back at the double door with a timid smile when the pretty melody started playing again, he was  _very_ nice to look at. And interesting. And quite nice, really, despite his rather blunt comments. Yes, maybe... maybe it won't be too terrible even if she _did_ end up meeting Ninomiya Kazunari more often than she had hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra super much thanks to [stripedraccoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/stripedraccoon/pseuds/stripedraccoon) who supported and motivated me incredibly to write this as well as beta-ed it <3 <3 <3


	2. Chapter 2

# Chapter 1

Working in the Ninomiya household was, in the end, quite fun. Shouko found that most of the work was perfect for taking her mind off from her day-to-day troubles, although a tad time-consuming. Thus it was a slight struggle to still keep up with her studies while working part-time in the mansion.

She knew she was not the perfect maid, of course, considering the fact that for the bigger part of her life she hadn't even had to deal with any housework herself at all and she was rather... well, _clumsy_ . In her single week working there she had already turned over her mop bucket twice and broken one glass ashtray. Fujita-san always just shook his head at her whenever something like that happened, but never got angry. Truly, she felt incredibly lucky to have been hired by this wonderful man who brought up some good memories for her. He always reminded her that there wasn't any rush to get any of this done, and that the most important thing was that she still continued to be enthusiastic about every task she got. And that this was what he valued the most – her willingness to tackle all the work to the best of her abilities (as meager as they were) and slowly improve. The rooms still got cleaned at _some_ point and she could feel at ease in her position with his grandfatherly presence looking over her.

But not today. Today, the young Master was at home early and Shouko met him for the first time since she got introduced to him.

“Did you clean the keys yet? They're a bit greasy,” he commented immediately after sitting down in front of his piano while Shouko fluttered around the room with a wet rag, cleaning every last speck of dust she could find and trying to pretend as if his sudden entrance to the music room (which was directly connected to his bedroom, which she just finished tidying up a few minutes ago and thank goodness for that because cleaning the room while _he_ was at home would have been even more awkward than this) hadn't flustered her at all. But his comment made her heart jump to her throat and within a couple of seconds she already had a barely damp and a dry cloth both in her hands, and was standing next to the huge instrument. She didn't even know why he made her so nervous, but it was probably because she still was so unsure of what he thought of her even though he was the person she was supposed to be serving the most directly from the entire family.

“I'm so sorry, Sir, I will be done in a few seconds,” she apologized quickly, starting to wipe along the first few keys with the moist cloth first, carefully and lovingly, immediately afterwards wiping them with the dry one to make sure no water was left and then repeating the process on the next set of keys. The entire time the young man was watching her closely.

“You know how to treat it,” he commented approvingly as he saw her washing the keys in the proper manner, “I had to keep reminding the old maid that she can't just swipe a rag over the whole keyboard at once and leave them to dry, and she kept looking at me as if I was being picky and thinking things up. But you... you treat it with proper respect.”

Shouko flushed again (this man seemed to have a knack for making her do this) at the weird praise and lowered her head to hide her face a bit from him.

“I've had piano lessons,” she explained with shyness, “My parents insisted on them at first but I ended up honestly loving them... I know how to take care of the instrument too, from that.”

Bringing up her background was probably not the most clever decision she had ever made, but he _had_ implied the question and she couldn't just ignore him, seeing as his family was paying her wage and it would have been quite rude. However, as expected, the small piece of information immediately perked up the man's interest further. He looked down at her hands, obviously inspecting them for something and she suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious about her long, slim fingers and grown-out, well-manicured nails painted with a candy apple red nail polish. What if there was something out of place with them that she hadn't noticed? At that thought, she tried to hurry with the intention of taking her hands out of his line of sight as quickly as possible, but unexpectedly, just as she was actually done with her task and was about to step away again, he grasped one of her hands, gently but strongly, holding it up between them as if to make a point of some sort.

“These don't exactly look to be in a piano-playing condition,” he pointed out making her feel understandably uncomfortable with the remark, her hand tingling weirdly where it was touched by him.

“That would be because I play no longer, Young Master.”

“But I thought your parents _insisted_ on it?” the man countered immediately and she frowned, softly but determinedly extracting her hand from his warm grip and standing back. Why was he so intrigued by her suddenly? Wasn't this guy supposed to keep himself distanced from everyone, including the servants?

“My parents hardly care about _anything_ I do lately,” she answered as vaguely as she could, dropping the hand to her side and curling it into a loose fist as if to hide her fingertips from further judgment.

“Ahh,” was his only response aside from a knowing nod and she was about to step away but something in his current expression caught her attention in an unnerving way. It was as if she could actually _see_ the way a piece of some puzzle suddenly found its place in his mind. Or, rather, it was as if this certain piece finished the puzzle completely and she was a bit afraid to know what sort of realization it was that he had come to from it. But she couldn't let it go either so she found herself lingering at his side, a little awkwardly, clenching the two cloths in one of her hands, feeling curious despite herself.

“How about you, Sir? Did you start playing because your parents wished you to as well?” It was hardly her place to be standing around asking her employer personal questions, but she figured that after getting drilled by him like that she deserved to ask at least one question in return to quench her curiosity. He didn't seem to mind it either and looked at her with a carefree smile.

“Nah, my parents think music is a waste of time, really,” he said, shrugging, brushing his fingers over the newly cleaned keys absently, fondly, “They wanted me to study politics or business management or something “worthwhile”, but I've always ignored that and just did whatever I wanted instead. Pissed them off to no end. Still does, actually, but they've pretty much given up hope on me by now and simply redirected their attention to my sister instead. Bluntly put, I don't know why they still even put up with me, I've gone against them in pretty much every aspect of my life. Other parents throw their kids out for much less valid reasons.”

He intentionally met her eyes as he said that last part and Shouko felt the blood drain from her face and her body freeze. Her mind swirled making her feel momentarily dizzy.

He knew heknew _heknew_. He had to know, why else would he say that? Oh gods, how did he even figure it out so fast? Was he going to tell his parents? Was he going to get her fired? Or perhaps he intended to blackmail her with the information somehow...

For one frightening moment Shouko almost started hyperventilating, but then her logical mind caught up with her runaway emotions. Ninomiya was still smiling at her in a way that couldn't possibly bear any bad intentions and honestly, how could he have figured it out? If she truly hadn't passed for him, then he would have already said something from the beginning, not waited until now. If he did realize anything at all, it was probably that she was no longer welcome at her parents' home, which wasn't that hard to guess from her earlier remark, but he still wouldn't know _why_. And he said “less valid reasons” anyway, so whatever he suspected those reasons to be, it would have to be something he thought was undeserving a reaction as severe. So if he didn't judge it to be bad, then he wouldn't be getting her fired for it, right?

Shouko took a calming breath and made herself meet his gaze for a moment. He was looking at her with such an honestly well-meaning twinkle in his eyes that it actually prompted a timid smile from her too.

“You play really well though, Young Master. So I am glad you decided to pursue things that you care about,” she said quietly and then nodded to excuse herself so she could go back to her work, “The keys are clean now so you can continue doing so, young Master,” she added as she was about to step away but then there was a hand resting on her waist, stopping her. She flushed and swirled back around, a question on the tip of her tongue.

“Sir?” she asked, her voice a bit squeaky, the hand feeling so hot on her body that it was almost burning and she couldn't understand why she was affected by a simple touch so much.

“Just as I remembered, you're so very pretty when you blush,” the man complimented her suddenly with a suggestive smirk that immediately made Shouko redden even more darkly and her heart flutter in her chest with a strange emotion. She was about to question him again when he seemed to have had enough of teasing and took his hand away from her lithe waist, using it to gesture at the instrument before him instead, “I want to hear _you_ play,” he revealed the reason he stopped her for finally and her already big eyes widened a little more in surprise.

“Me? No, Sir, really, I am so much worse than you are. It would be embarrassing,” she shook her head emphatically, backing away half a step.

“Well I'd sure hope so, otherwise I would get really depressed that a person who stopped playing years ago is as good as me although I've continued practising daily all this time,” the man answered her pointedly, raising an eyebrow with amusement and she felt a bit silly.

“No but... I wouldn't even be able to remember anything, really. It has been so long...” she continued to refuse although she could feel a small spark of excitement inside her at the possibility of getting to play piano again after all these years. It used to be something that she enjoyed so much but she had to stop after moving away from her parents. She could never afford a piano. Or even _fit_ one in her tiny apartment.

“It's okay, you can start from easy things, I simply want to hear you play. Just look,” he said, turning towards the piano and quickly playing the beginning of a short, silly melody that most piano players got to learn some time during their first few lessons. She couldn't help but giggle at that and reached out one hand to the keyboard herself, quickly finishing the melody, her fingers running over the keys lightly and joyfully as they remembered the movement instinctively.

“See, you can do it,” he encouraged her again and she tilted her head to the side shyly, now seriously considering taking up his offer after all, “Here, sit down,” he urged and promptly lifted himself off the piano stool, gesturing for her to take his place. Still a little unsure, she perched on it timidly, quickly wiping off her hands into the dry rag she still had in her hands while he moved to stand behind her for a better view. Once she was sure her fingers were clean, she let the cloth drop onto her lap and moved her hands to hover over the keys for a moment, thinking, trying to remember.

It wasn't quite like sitting back on a bicycle but it was close. The notes flowed from under her quick fingers smoothly and fluently, and although she made a lot of mistakes and had to improvise some parts of the piece she was playing when she couldn't remember, she didn't let it discourage her. It felt intoxicating and she started feeling almost dizzy from the experience, getting wrapped up in the moment. Ninomiya stood behind her through the entirety of it and although she was lost in the music she was also very aware of his presence the whole time, especially since each time she got stuck on a part for too long he would lean in and take over for a few moments until she remembered how it went again and could play herself once more.

Once the whole piece was over she found herself just sitting with her fingers resting on the keys, a huge exhilarated grin splitting her face. It had felt amazing to be able to play something again and she was so captured by the feeling that it took her a few moments before she realized that the man was still slightly bent over her from behind. She could even feel the warmth radiating from his body because of how closely he had leaned in and she instantly started heating up again as she became aware of it, her heart fluttering non-stop in her chest.

“I think it is hardly appropriate for you to be standing so close to me, Young Master,” she pointed out, hating how her voice trembled a little breathlessly when she spoke.

“I think you missed the part where I explained about me being a person that doesn't really care about what's appropriate and what isn't,” was the young Master's answer, purred straight into her ear, sending a shiver down the side of her neck and then along her spine. But then, contrary to his words, he _did_ step back and to the side, “However, I do know how to back away if I am making a lady uncomfortable,” he amended, punctuating the statement with a quick, cheeky wink at her. Once again not quite sure why the cheaply flirtatious gesture made her body flood with heat, Shouko sprung lightly to her feet from the stool, quickly giving up the seat to its actual owner.

“But I am glad I made you play,” the man intoned as he sat on it while she blushingly bent down to gather the rags that she dropped to the floor when she had stood up, forgetting that they were still on her lap, “You'd get right back to playing well if you just spent some time trying to remember. You're welcome to use my piano whenever you want, you know,” he offered and she found herself shaking her head before he was even finished.

“I couldn't... I don't think I will, Sir,” she declined humbly, “But thank you for letting me play right now,” she thanked him heartily with a tiny bow. Then she turned away and finally walked off to the other side of the room, eager to get back to her work. She had wasted a bit too much time as it was.

“If you are sure,” she heard him say after her, his voice sounding honestly disappointed, “The offer stays, however, in case you change your mind.”

She nodded to acknowledge that she heard him and started cleaning the rest of the room mutely and determinedly, trying to calm down her still far too fast heartbeat somehow, although the fact that she could still feel Ninomiya's eyes following her every move didn't help at all.

“It's a pity though, if you really won't play any longer,” he spoke up again after a while passed with her cleaning up and him playing a little, absent-mindedly, “Your hands seem perfect for it. And here I am, playing, but stuck with _these.”_

Turning away from the mantle that she was cleaning, Shouko glanced back at the man only to find him staring at his own hands which he now held out in front of him, against the light coming from the huge window, his stubby fingers spread out. He seemed honestly troubled by their shape and his expression was displeased.

“They're cute,” she commented without meaning to do so out loud and immediately reddened brightly once she realized what she just said. The man looked at her, his eyebrow raised, his lips already curling into a small, amused smirk.

“You think so?” he asked, sounding very flirty and suggestive again and she looked away, too shy to answer and pretending to be too busy. But from the corner of her eye she saw him raising his hands again and staring at them with a new sort of consideration now.

“A friend of mine once called them hamburger hands,” he revealed suddenly and Shouko giggled helplessly, only to try and stifle it immediately. The man looked straight at her again with a full grin on his face but she stubbornly didn't turn back anymore, although there was undeniably a smile on her face now too. Noticing that, Ninomiya Kazunari seemed satisfied and finally concentrated on playing seriously, leaving her to her work.


	3. Chapter 3

# Chapter 2

Shouko concentrated on breathing evenly and _not_ looking at the mirror as she changed into her uniform.

Usually she actually enjoyed this part: getting into the cute clothes, seeing how they complemented her figure, feeling almost... pretty in it. But she knew that after a day filled with insensitive, block-headed comments, the only things she'd see when looking at her reflection would be her flaws and reminders of the truth, so it was better to avoid it. Otherwise she might just end up crying, and she couldn't have that with hours of work still ahead of her.

It wasn't even like this was new to her. Really, she had plenty of practice in just grinding her teeth and moving on. She had thick skin (in her world, you either grew it or just didn't survive long) and usually barely reacted whenever someone said something. And considering everyone in the university knew her from... _before_ , there were always some people who insisted on giving their disapproving or mocking opinion to her.

But sometimes it just got too much, and this was one of those days. So she was honestly looking forward to having some peace and quiet as she simply did her work and forgot all about other people and their judgemental attitudes and could just exist without having to justify herself to anyone. This job was truly perfect for that most of the time as she was just given a list of tasks and left alone to complete them.

But when she entered the music room with a bowl of water and some cleaning supplies in her hands, she realized that luck just continued to evade her today. Ninomiya was inside the chamber already, at home early (like he was every Wednesday, _apparently_ ) and not absent unlike he had been the rest of the week, albeit he was not playing the piano which was why she hadn't heard him ahead of time when walking to the room. Instead, he was sitting in front of the instrument, perusing some papers with a pencil in his hand and scribbling something on them. But he immediately looked up when she came in, so she felt forced to fake a polite smile and then bow slightly.

“Good afternoon, young Master, I hope it is alright with you if I clean up here now,” she greeted him respectfully but a little subdued. It was not like she disliked him. In reality she had enjoyed his company and quirky comments a lot the last two times she had met him, even though his overly playboy-like attitude sometimes _did_ make her feel uncomfortable. But today she had been looking forward to being alone, having gotten used to it after another week of not seeing a sign of him at the manor during her working hours, so she was a bit disappointed. Unlike her, however, he surely didn't lack excitement at all and grinned at her brightly.

“Ah yes, of course, I was waiting for you, Shouko-chan,” he spoke, sounding genuinely happy to see her, “You are always the highlight of my week!”

The corners of her lips twitched upwards a little in response, but her bad mood made sure that she didn't react to the flattery any more than that. She just nodded and started preparing to do her job, quietly.

“Aww, no pretty blushes today?” was her employer's reaction, and she sure _would_ have been blushing at that... on any other day. But today the most she could manage was a noncommittal shrug.

She didn't even have to be facing him to know that he reacted to that by frowning, perhaps a little worriedly. There was some shuffling coming from behind her as he put the papers away somewhere and a soft squeak when he turned on the stool he was sitting on (she made a mental note to oil it tomorrow). A few melodious notes followed as he started pressing the keys thoughtfully.

“Do you know what I've been doing recently?” he spoke up, continuing to play, “I'm sure you're dying to know, of course,” he added with deliberately magnified self-assurance, “I've been writing a song. It's inspired by Shouko-chan's beauty and I think I will be calling it “Choco-chan” because of the color of your eyes.”

Finally, _that_ got through her armor of bad mood and she found herself chuckling, glancing at him over her shoulder and seeing the cheeky grin on his face.

“I think, young Master, you've never even looked into my eyes close enough to notice their color,” she challenged playfully.

“Then how would I know they're chocolate?” he countered without batting an eyelash and she rolled her (chocolate) eyes.

“Considering I'm Japanese, it was for sure terribly hard for you to guess,” she said sarcastically and he reacted by faking an exaggerated gasp as if he felt extraordinarily affronted.

“Are you implying my words were not sincere?” he asked in great offense but she just turned back to her work, dismissive of his, as ever, overly flirtatious attitude.

“I'm sure you write a song to every young maid in a cute frilly uniform that you see, Sir,” she said, a little bit of melancholy in her voice. There was a moment of silence that followed her words then and she relaxed, thinking that she finally made him give up his game. However he did answer after all, all jokes disappearing from his tone, with a seriousness that was unexpected to her.

“Perhaps that is true,” he spoke evenly and calmly, and she inwardly nodded to herself at his admission, “But I wouldn't know. You are the first one I see that is actually beautiful enough to me to make me do it.”

As self-assured as she had been that she was right about him only acting like a playboy out of habit again, the statement truly took her by surprise. But it was not a happy one. In fact, she felt a sad coolness run through her and her hands wavered in their task. The tentative smile flew off her face again, leaving her feeling a bit shaken.

“You should not jest in such a way, young Master,” she allowed herself to chide him lightly and stubbornly made her hands move again. Surely, he wouldn't even be kidding in such a way if he were to know the truth, she told herself sadly. Although... Although he _had_ made her wonder and worry a couple of times and suspect that he might have already guessed...

No. No no, it wasn't even that, it didn't matter. After all, he wasn't serious at all so she shouldn't even be paying attention or thinking about it deeply in the first place. It didn't matter, it was all just a game to him. She was just a maid, she couldn't really reject him too severely so it was no wonder that he saw her as fair game and easy to play around with a bit. She couldn't even blame him. There used to be a time in her life when _she_ wouldn't have thought much differently herself.

She was so busy trying to concentrate on her work and ignoring her feelings that she didn't even notice that the man behind her was suspiciously silent until all of a sudden there were hands on her shoulders, making her startle.

“ _Shoouuuuko-chan_ ,” a silky voice purred incredibly close to her ear, making her twirl her head to the side, which only caused another shock as it brought their faces incredibly close. Far too close, really. She could now clearly see his own bright brown eyes staring right at hers and felt her heart beating in her throat, “I would never joke about anything like this. I was interested in you from the first moment I saw you and you just continued to charm me afterwards. I like you. And if you don't believe me now, I will just tell you again and again until you do.”

He stayed unmoving after he said his piece and she found herself afraid to even breathe with him still so close and reluctant to feel touched by the words because she couldn't allow herself to believe them. What was he doing, what was he trying to achieve by throwing her off with his unexpected actions so much? Unwittingly, her eyes started curiously roaming his perfect face, as if searching for some answer, over his flawless skin, stumbling over the cute moles and the adorable, small nose, her heartbeat only speeding further up. And while she stared at the beautiful, pink lips, suddenly they started coming closer and, without thinking, her eyelids fluttered closed and she started leaning in herself. But then, abruptly, she sensed how he simply pecked her on the tip of her nose and withdrew again. Her eyes snapped open, wide with shock, blood rushing to her cheeks, but he just smirked and stepped back.

“Here's that pretty blush again,” he whispered, winking at her shamelessly and she looked to the side, flustered and maybe... maybe just a little bit flattered by the carelessly given compliment.

“Young Master-” she started but was stopped as he pressed a finger to her full, slightly parted lips to silence her.

“You should stop calling me that,” he commented, pouting a little, “It feels weird, especially since we're about the same age.”

She wavered, but only for a second before shaking her head slightly.

“That is the proper way for me to address you, young Master,” she stuck to it respectfully, but he just laughed at her lightly.

“Always caring so much about what's proper and what is not, Shouko-chan,” he noted, finally stepping away and giving her some space as he returned to the piano, “Well, if you ever do feel adventurous, please call me Nino,” he suggested, winking at her playfully before sitting down on the stool, “That would make me very happy. But for now, “Sir” would suffice then. Or Ninomiya-san. “Young Master” is just...” he trailed off and gave a shudder, “Just leave that one for old man Fujita, okay?”

She couldn't help but giggle and nod then and he seemed satisfied enough, his eyes lighting up.

“Good. And now listen veeery closely. After all, you'll be the first person ever to hear this, you should be honored... even though it's far from being finished yet,” Ninomiya stated as pompously as only _he_ could while pretending to present her with a song he wrote for her, and she decided to humor him this once. Because she was, admittedly, just a bit curious and willing to believe in the fantasy of someone doing this for her. Just for a little bit.

She left her work spot and settled timidly on one of the chairs available in the room, gathering her hands in her lap gingerly while his stubby fingers started running over the keys of the piano with habitual grace. It was another slow, romantic melody, just like all the others that he usually liked to play. Very soft, easily flowing through the air, filling it, drawing in any listener within a second. There were no words, just the beautiful sound of the piano, sometimes a little unclear as he quickly brushed over the parts that had yet to be fully written, sometimes accompanied with a low humming from the man performing it.

It was the first time she heard Ninomiya singing and her breath hitched in her throat at the sound. Unlike his rather nasal and sometimes even a bit grating speaking voice, he sounded so very clear and vibrant when he sang or hummed, capturing her heart and mesmerizing her. The music was simply amazing and if she let herself believe that this talented man truly wrote this for _her,_ she actually felt her heart start aching with longing and her eyes teared up. After a day that she just had, the idea that someone might actually be willing to do something so beautiful for her was just incredible and overwhelming.

But she couldn't believe. She just couldn't. He was just a flirty playboy, a rich man who thought it was all just a funny game and he wasn't being serious. And even if he were, he would immediately take it all back once he found out the truth about her. This was something she had come to terms with – if she wanted to stay like this, if she wanted to stay true to herself, she had to sacrifice any hope of having a relationship because who could ever love and want someone like this, like _her_? And she was fine with it, really, she had made her choice of what was more important for her. But now, having someone treating her so nicely and creating this fantasy where she was actually desirable... And when that someone was a person whom she actually, just maybe, liked a bit and admired? It was just too heartbreaking to realize that this was, really, nothing more than an illusion and suddenly she was crying, burying her face in her hands, not even noticing anymore when the beautiful song came to an abrupt end. She wasn't normally this emotional but...

“Was the song really _that_ terrible?” Ninomiya's gentle voice suddenly came from right next to her and she shook her head quickly and strongly.

“It was beautiful,” she said, her voice muffled through her hands. “I'm sure the... the person that you really wrote it for will love it.”

 _His_ answer came together with a long sigh.

“You really will take a lot of convincing, won't you? But it's okay, I can be patient when I need to be,” the man said evenly, in a low, comforting voice, “But this is quite a bummer. You see, I was trying so hard to cheer you up, and yet I made you cry instead. I'm not used to failing so _badly_.”

These words made her freeze a bit in slight surprise. He... what? It was not, of course, unexpected that he had noticed her mood – she hadn't expected him to actually care, so she didn't bother hiding it much. But now he was saying that he had actually attempted to comfort her, to raise her spirits because he didn't want her sad and did all that he had for that purpose? She had just assumed he had done it all for his own amusement. But knowing he actually cared enough to bother going out of his way for her sake was incredible, even if it wasn't _completely_ sincere.

“I... I'm sorry, I've just had a long day and...” she started apologizing but he was shushing her immediately and there were warm, strong arms around her. She let out a small gasp and raised her head a bit, only to have him press her against his own body, her damp face ending up resting close to his neck..

“What do you say,” he whispered, his lips moving against the top of her head, “We make a bet, okay? If I manage to finish the song by the time we meet next week and you like it, you'll go out on one date with me? No arguments and no saying that that you think I'm only joking. You just let me treat you for a day and I will _show_ you how serious I actually am. And if I don't manage, well... I don't know. If you want, you can order me to stop hitting on you and teasing you all the time then?”

She chuckled through her tears, unable to help it. That was pretty sweet and yet clever of him. Of course, saying that he was trying to win a date with her was flattering and made her feel a little happier. And yet she knew that of course he probably won't finish the song on purpose and act all disappointed and dejected, but that left him the perfect way out after all. She decided to humor him one more time. She blinked the last of her tears away and forced herself to sit up, leaving his soft embrace.

“Okay,” she chuckled and was about to say something else when her eyes noticed the damp spot on his shirt where her face had just been resting. Not only did she get it wet but there were dark marks of mascara staining the light-yellow fabric and she blanched away in horror, about to jump off the chair, “Oh Gods, I'm so sorry, I'll go get you a new shirt right away, Sir, and wash this one in a-”

“Just... just calm down, okay?” Nino said, laughing at her flustered reaction and making her sit back down, “Relax for a bit, okay? You have my permission to take a small break and compose yourself, I'll just go get my own shirt, don't worry, I am still able to do _that_ much for myself,” he reassured her teasingly as he did indeed stand up and started walking towards the room that led straight to his room, “And _then_ you can wash it,” he added meanly just as he was about to leave the room unexpectedly, and she giggled again, wiping the remnants of her tears and somehow feeling much better all of a sudden. It seemed that the man hadn't failed after all.


	4. Chapter 4

# Chapter 3

Although, at the time, Shouko had accepted Ninomiya's wager light-heartedly, not truly even considering the _possibility_ that he might have been serious about it, she came to regret that very much over the course of the following week.

It was probably stupid of her to even start feeling apprehensive about it, but she ended up mentally beating herself up for having agreed to it so carelessly. Yes, she was just his maid and he was obviously a player (in far too many meanings of the word) and thus there was simply no way he could have been earnest about wishing to take her on a date but... but what if he was? What if by some joke the son of one of the most conservative politician in Japan actually found her, a trans-woman, desirable, because he didn't know she _was_ one?

Or at least, what if he wanted to play around with her longer and truly take her out, just to have some fun? He seemed like a nice, intelligent person to Shouko despite his flirting and teasing attitude so she couldn't believe he'd do that, knowing he'd be playing with her feelings but... Who knew? She had met him three times by now, but maybe she had misjudged him?

Oh, if only she hadn't agreed to his bet so thoughtlessly... But then again, even if she had had time to consider it more, she had never been good at telling people no. And he asked her at such a moment...

Well, there was no taking any of that back anymore anyway, so there was no use thinking about it. She just had to deal with the situation as it was and that was why she had come to a decision after thinking it over for a week. If, by some chance, he had the song finished and actually expected her to go out with him on a real date, then she would reveal her secret to him before it got further than that. That would spare him the bad feelings of going out with someone like her and then finding everything out later. And it would make sure she would not get her hopes up and maybe truly start liking him after spending some more time with him.

Chances were, that would get her fired. He was still a member of the Ninomiya family, raised with the beliefs that his parents held, so probably he'd get disgusted. Maybe he'd already even accuse her of leading him on and trying to fool him – those were all the usual reactions that she was already used to. But she was ready for that. It was still better than the alternative. She would just... have to find another job. That would be tough and she was not looking forward to all the feelings of dejection that job-hunting meant for her, but... but she would manage. She didn't get this far by being weak-willed.

“Shouko-kun, are you having trouble finding some of your tools?” the kind and well-wishing, as ever, voice of the steward interrupted her thoughts and she startled a little, turning around to flash the elderly man with a chagrined smile.

“No, Fujita-san, I'm sorry, I just got a little spaced out,” she apologized immediately with a small bow and resumed collecting what she needed from the cabinets before her.

“Ah yes, young people like you do seem to do that a lot. A lot of things, and people perhaps, to think of?” the man said meaningfully with a small laugh and she heated up a little at what he was implying, “I hope you are settling in well?” he asked then and she could honestly smile at the question.

“Yes I am, thank you. I really like working here,” she answered sincerely, trying to not let the thought that she might lose the job in just a few minutes cloud her mood. At least she now had the experience, right? And she knew that she could try out for this sort of work. Maybe some other manor staff would hire her too... “Do you think,” she started, “Do you think I'm doing a good job here?”

She hoped she didn't sound too needy for reassurance, but she couldn't stop herself from asking.

“Hmm...” the old man trailed off thoughtfully, “You are certainly much better than one might expect with your background,” he started and she knew perfectly well what he meant. For someone who hadn't had to lift a finger and had known nothing about housework for the better part of her life, she wasn't too bad in figuring out how things worked, “But what you lack in experience you more than make up with your willingness to learn and work hard. A lot of young people lack that these days. But don't use the bleach to clean the toilet bowl anymore, okay?”

She couldn't help but laugh guiltily at that remark but nodded, showing she understood.

“Yes, Fujita-san,” she giggled, embarrassed, “There are safer ways to do it. I know that now.”

The steward smiled and patted her on the shoulder before sending her on her way and soon she was walking up the stairs to the west wing, carrying all the cleaning supplies she needed, as usual. Already, she could hear the muffled sound of someone playing the piano and she was tempted to back away for a moment. Just start with another room, draw the time out and maybe Ninomiya would leave at some point, losing patience, and she could clean the music room alone and avoid meeting him. Avoid dealing with it. But there was no sense in postponing the inevitable so she took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping in.

“Good afternoon, Young... Sir,” she corrected herself mid-greeting and the man immediately stopped playing, turning to face her with a happy smile on his face. For some reason, that made her heart sink in apprehension. He wouldn't act this happy unless...

“Shouko-chan!” he exclaimed, even more eagerly than last time, “And here I was starting to worry you weren't coming today. You didn't forget about our agreement, did you?” he asked, immediately getting to the point.

“No, of course, Sir,” she answered. As if she could have. She barely thought about anything else through the course of last week. Ninomiya was suddenly standing up and approaching her quickly.

“Come on,” he urged, taking her gently by the hand and leading her to the piano after she hastily put away all the items that she had been holding, “You need to sit next to me and listen. I finished it. I kept writing and rewriting parts because they didn't feel right and didn't sound good enough for you but... I hope you'll like it. I really tried.”

He really seemed to have been waiting for this. There was a chair standing right next to the piano stool on which he encouraged her to sit as he settled behind the instrument himself. His smile was unwavering and his eyes were bright with excitement and now she suddenly really believed it. Maybe she was naïve, but in that moment she could believe that he liked her sincerely and that he didn't write a song for just any pretty girl he met. She believed she might be special enough for him that he just got inspired this once. And that made her feel even more nervous and terrible.

He started playing and then nothing in the world mattered anymore except for the music. If the unfinished version she heard last time had been beautiful then this simply made her forget she had to breathe for a while. She stared at his hands moving over the keys with the smoothness of flowing water at first but then she glanced at his face while he performed and couldn't look away anymore as the music continued to bring magic to her ears. He was completely into it, his eyes closing sometimes during the more intense moments, his lips moving sometimes as he mostly hummed the melody into which he was putting so much feeling.

If the song had really been inspired by her then it made her wonder just how exactly she managed to look so wonderful in his eyes, because it was simply gorgeous. But as much as that made her happy, it also broke her heart at the same time. This was everything she could ever want, someone liking her so much that he'd write this beautiful masterpiece for her. Yet she knew that it probably won't last longer than a few minutes after he would finish playing and they spoke. And that was one of the reasons why when the last few notes finally melted into the air and left them in silence, she had a tear sliding down her cheek.

“So,” he broke the silence first after it had stretched for a little while, “Do you like it? Did I earn my date?”

She couldn't answer with words. Closing her eyes, she nodded with a sort of resignition and opened her mouth to do as she had decided to when suddenly she realized something and her eyes snapped open. Oh... Oh. So _that's_ how it was. In the end, he had made it so that he lost the bet after all. Her heart twinged with pain and filled with sadness, but at the same time she was relieved. It was better this way. And he probably just really was a nice enough person to commit to making her feel better. It was really kind of him to do it this way. She made herself smile brightly and look up at his face.

“I really liked it a lot Sir,” she admitted again, “It was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. However, this can't count as a finished song, can it? Not without words. So the date can't happen after all, I'm afraid,” she finished, still keeping the melancholy smile on her face, fully believing that she was bringing up the issue that he had counted on her to notice so he wouldn't have to do what he didn't actually _want_ to do.

But instead of laughing awkwardly and pretending to be troubled by the oversight as she had expected him to, Ninomiya seemed honestly startled by her observation and his eyes widened a bit, his smile dropping.

“What? No, Shouko-chan, that's not right,” he protested instead of accepting his, as she had assumed, pre-planned way out, shocking Shouko again, “I never said anything about finishing the lyrics too, just the song,” he said, reaching out to take one of her hands between his own and looking into her eyes emphatically as he talked, “You see, I didn't write lyrics yet on purpose. Because I can't possibly do you justice if I wrote them now. I want to get to know you first,” he lifted her hand up and held it close to his chest, squeezing it a little, “I really want to get to know you,” he repeated once more and that was when his words finally reached her and she realized she had misunderstood again. His intentions were sincere, apparently. This hadn't been his way out, she had over-thought it once more. But... that meant this wasn't _her_ way out either. She had no other choice now. Carefully, she pulled out her hand from his slightly desperate grip and put it on her lap, wringing her fingers together anxiously.

“I... I don't think you would, Sir. Want to get to know me better, that is,” she started haltingly, her voice trembling a little, looking down at her hands, unable to meet his gaze anymore now. “Not if you...” she halted and had to swallow with difficulty before continuing, her mouth feeling dry from nervousness, “Not if you knew that I am not exactly... a woman in all the senses that you probably expect me to be,” she finally blurted out, “So please, Sir, you'd do better to let the bet go. You can't possibly want to go out with me now, after all.”

She fell silent and waited for his reaction with baited breath. Would he take it well and just let it go easily, as she asked? Or would he get mad, feel disgusted, scream at her for fooling him into holding her hand when she was such a freak? He stayed quiet for half a minute after her revelation, no doubt struggling to swallow it down, and she was starting to get truly afraid.

“I'm sorry,” he finally spoke up, however, and she immediately felt relieved. He was apologizing and didn't sound mad, but he did sound regretful. So he was one of those who would turn her down gently then, maybe even honestly feeling bad about it but still unable to go through with it. She was about to lift her head and smile at him, to reassure him that it was okay and she understood and express how much she appreciated that at least he wasn't utterly disgusted by her. But he continued talking before she could do any of it.

“I'm truly sorry because apparently you've been worrying about my reaction all this time when you really shouldn't have. I thought I had hinted enough that I knew it already, but I suppose it wasn't clear.”

There was nothing that could have prepared her for that addition. The only other addition she _could_ have expected was him letting her go from the job because her presence would make him uncomfortable now or because he knew his mother would never approve of her working in their manor. But _this?_ She froze at first, thinking she must have misheard and thus she looked up, a question at the tip of her tongue. But what met her eyes made her stop – Ninomiya was looking at her with the same warmth as ever and there was truly no surprise in his eyes from the revelation. Maybe... maybe he didn't understand her right?

“What?” she asked, uncomprehending, a blush rising to her cheeks. Did he really require for her to spell it out for him? “Sir, what I mean is that I am not... I mean, I don't even have all the-”

“I know,” he interrupted her with a soft smile, reaching out to caress her burning cheek and making her blink in surprise, “And what I'm saying is that it doesn't matter to me, Shouko-chan. And I really don't mind,” he stated easily and her eyes widened even more in disbelief of what she was hearing. This was... _noone_ had ever reacted this way before, “To me you are the pretty girl that I'd really like to go on a date with. None of that changes in any way because of what you just mentioned because I really did know already.”

It was getting ridiculous – she was not one to cry easily normally, but here she was, getting completely teared up in front of him for the second time. Could she... could she really believe in what he was saying? She had always been sure that noone would ever truly want her, but... had she been wrong? He was even wiping away her tears now, gently. Did he really not mind touching her?

“I...” she started but didn't really know what to say. She had never considered this scenario and Ninomiya chuckled lightly, seeing her confusion.

“Shh, it's okay,” he reassured her, “Let's forget about the bet, okay? It was really silly in the first place, I wouldn't want you to feel pressured into a date against your will just because of that reason. But I would really like to take you out. Just... only if you agree to it yourself,” he continued softly and that was it. She was now crying outright and he was laughing a bit again, “I guess it's a good thing I'm wearing black today,” he joked as he pulled her into his embrace, letting her cry against his chest until she could compose herself again. It took her a little while but finally she was nodding against his dampened shirt. The man's breath seemed to hitch.

“Was that a yes?” he asked hopefully and she repeated the gesture. His grip around her body tightened a little and there was an unmistakable grin in his voice when he spoke again, “I'm so glad.”

“Oh but,” suddenly she was sitting up with her eyes widened and flushed again, averting her eyes, “I never thought this would really happen,” she admitted truthfully, because she really hadn't and _still_ could barely believe it was actually going to happen, “So I never... I mean, between University and this job I barely have free time...”

It really turned out a bit troublesome for them to find a time that fit them both, but in the end they decided for Saturday morning, when they could spend a few hours before her work shift started after noon.

“Can't we just say you're working on a personal task for me and spend the entire day together instead? You _are_ working for _me_ after all so I should be able to make the rules,” he pouted after the plan was finalized and she was about to stand up and start working now finally.

“Sir, that would be very-”

“Inappropriate, yes yes, I know,” he cut her off, groaning, “You and your determination to do everything by the rules...”

“Besides that, Sir,” she spoke up again, “Can you really not say where we'd be going? I would really like it if I was able to make a plan for my day...”

“And I would love it if you stopped calling me “Sir” all the time, but we don't always get what we want, do we?” he countered wittily and she pouted back at him. But he was incredibly good at resisting the expression, probably because he had perfected his own puppy-eyed pout that could rival hers in intensity, “Just dress casually and comfortably and I'll take care of everything else. I'd rather surprise you. Oh and... wear your hair down, okay? I'd really love to see that.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing last Sunday's update but I was very sick and had various other unpleasant happenings getting in the way. But now I'm back, hopefully :) Next update will be back on Sunday though.  
> Also this chapter might seem a bit different character-wise but they're both nervous so yeah.

She glared at the reflection of her hair in the small, hand-held mirror which she took out to check on her appearance one last time. The mess on her head refused to cooperate even more than usual this morning and it still seemed slightly wavy to her, no matter how many times she had gone over it with her straightener. Normally, she felt more at ease with her hair down, but Ninomiya's comment about wanting to see it _specifically_ made her feel self-conscious. She took a deep breath and snapped the mirror shut, putting it into her purse. It was far too early for her to get invested into this. He was going to get what he had asked for and if he didn't like it... well, too bad. Schooling her face into a neutral expression that hopefully didn't betray how extraordinarily nervous she was, she stepped out the door of her apartment building.

She was two minutes early but he was already there, standing next to his expensive car which he had (against the rules) parked right in front of the entrance, smoking a cigarette as he waited for her to come out. He was currently looking in a different direction, lost in his thoughts, not noticing her immediately, and she was able to cross most of the distance between them before he finally looked her way, thus she could clearly see how his eyes widened a fraction once he saw her. The corners of her lips twitched a smidgeon more upwards. That was decidedly a positive reaction. Apparently all those hours she had spent deciding on her outfit and perfecting her light make-up paid off. He definitely seemed to appreciate the denim hotpants she was wearing, at least, as he not so subtly checked out her long legs, making her fight off a blush. Good thing it was warm enough today for her to wear those despite it still being such early spring.

“Good morning, Sir,” she greeted timidly as she stopped to stand right in front of him. He was looking astonishingly sharp himself, in his casual but very stylish (no doubt brand-name) attire of a yellow shirt, light brown, flowy cardigan and tight black jeans. Her own clothes had been bought in one of the cheapest shops she knew, but she prided herself in pulling off the red blouse and the dark gray jacket very fashionably. The way he was staring at her only seemed to prove her right.

“I... oh wow, red suits you so great, you look gorgeous, Shouko-chan,” he spoke up then, still apparently mesmerized and struck speechless by her looks, but then forced himself out of his stupor and quickly discarded the cigarette end before straightening out and smiling at her, “And it's “Nino”,” he corrected her playfully but strictly, “I won't stand for any “sirs” while we're on a date, seriously,” he said pointedly and she knew she had no choice this time but to nod hesitantly.

“Nino-san then,” she corrected herself timidly and he rolled his eyes.

“You're hopeless,” he laughed and she shrugged, unapologetic. She didn't want to get into any habits that she might quickly have to get out of again. Besides, as much as he teased her about always being too proper, he was ignoring the fact that she _was_ still going out with her employer, and one couldn't get much more improper than _that_ , “Come on, let's get this started already,” he finished though, opening the car door for her and she gratefully ducked inside.

“May I know where we're going yet?” she inquired as he started the engine, but he just smiled at her mysteriously.

“You'll just have to see.”

The drive was much less silent and awkward than she had feared it might turn out to be. She had never been good at small talk, but he seemed to be perfectly able to keep a light-hearted conversation going between them through the entire drive, asking her about her studies and work and laughing heartily when she confessed that she was the one to blame for the withering number of glass ashtrays in his home.

“I'm a bit clumsy,” she pouted, her cheeks turning pink as he continued to laugh.

“So I see,” he conceded, finally calming down and wiping a happy tear from the corner of his eye, “Is that why I never see you wearing high-heels?” he asked unexpectedly and she promptly looked down at her lap, feeling a bit uncomfortable, “Sorry, I just realized that when I saw you in this outfit because I thought they would have fit it so well.”

“You said to dress comfortably,” she mumbled, hating how defensive she already sounded, but really, couldn't he guess the real reason why she never wore any?

“Indeed I did,” he agreed, accepting the excuse but not leaving the subject alone yet, “I still wish I could see you wear some. It just seems like they would suit you so well,” he commented light-heartedly and she nervously wrung her fingers together in her lap. Really, he could sometimes be incredibly astute but then miss the absolutely obvious the very next second. It wasn't really a mystery why, as a girl, she would be reluctant to seem even taller than she already was. Even if she did, perhaps, secretly, inwardly, really like high heels.

“Most... Most men would probably find me too tall as it is,” she decided to explain after all as he still seemed to be waiting for some sort of answer. She tried to sound dismissive and uncaring, but she doubted she actually succeeded. After all, she was talking about one of her biggest complexes here. But he just raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

“Ah, well... Apparently I'm not “most men”. I never really understood why people would mind something like that. I never cared, I think it's completely outdated. There are millions of things that are more important than the height difference in a relationship. And besides, being shorter than your girlfriend has some great benefits too,” he finished with a sort of insinuating tone that made Shouko blush even though she was not entirely sure why. “I think you shouldn't worry and I think you'd be truly perfect in high heels. But of course you don't have to if you don't actually want to or just feel too uncomfortable about it.”

She was a little surprised to hear his thoughts on the subject but also strangely... pleased. Bashfully, she lifted her eyes again and glanced at his profile.

“Well, I do own _one_ pair...” she revealed shyly. It was a second-hand purchase that she had only allowed herself to make because it had been such a good bargain, seeing as she knew even as she bought them that she would never actually wear them in public. They were an obnoxiously bright red color and at least five inches high, completely impractical as an only pair to own. But she found them gorgeous and sometimes would put them on at home, together with a pretty dress, and spend a few minutes walking back and forth in front of the mirror in them.

The truth was, after all, that she _loved_ how she looked and felt in heels, but just always felt like she shouldn't do it when people could see. But if Ninomiya spoke this way about it...

“I think you should wear them. During our next date perhaps? I'd love to see that,” was the man's immediate answer to her admission and she blushed.

“Next date?” she repeated after him questioningly and he laughed awkwardly.

“I'm getting ahead of myself, right? I just can't help but hope there will be more to come after this,” he said and took his eyes from the road for a second to wink at her. She immediately flushed. What was it with this man and his obsession with winking? And what was it with him and his ability to make her feel so warm and appreciated and flattered with just a couple of words?

“Ah, here we are now,” he suddenly exclaimed and she jerked a little in surprise, instantly looking out the window as they slowed down to see where they were, since she had been completely distracted by the conversation and thus unable to keep track of it before, and widened her eyes. Dread filled her heart and the blush drained from her face as she paled a little instead.

“An amusement park?” she asked, trying to keep the fear from being heard in her voice while her heart hammered unpleasantly against her ribcage. They drove into a huge parking lot and he quickly found them a good spot.

“Yes,” he responded, flashing her a hesitant smile, “To be honest, I was a little nervous about getting this date right for you so I asked a friend for advice and he said that all girls seem to love amusement park dates... I hope you're okay with this?”

For once, he actually looked less than completely confident in himself and she made herself smile as genuinely and reassuringly as possible while something unpleasant seemed to lurch and get stuck in her throat. “ _All girls_ _liked_ ”... So if _she_ didn't like it then....

“It's great, I love it!” she grinned, forcing enthusiasm into her voice even as her palms started sweating. His happy and relieved expression at hearing it was worth it. Maybe. She struggled to keep her panic down. It would be okay. She could pretend to enjoy this for a few hours, right? She could hold herself under control. Maybe he didn't even mean for them to go on any high rides or she could find some excuse not to go on those. She'd manage.

She quickly blinked back some tears of incredible anxiety as she got out of the car.

“Shall we?” he asked after clicking the car locked and offered her his hand. She hurried to obscurely wipe her palm on the side of her shorts before taking it while a small blush returned to her cheeks, but she needn't have worried. His hand was slightly damp as well as he clasped his fingers around hers. He didn't look at her face while he did so and offered no explanation, instead just leading them to the nearest entrance.

“I already bought us entrance passes over the net,” he explained as they passed the rather long queues to the ticket booths and reached to his back-pocket with his free hand to procure a couple folded up, printed papers that evidently granted them admission into the park, “Apparently there is a rather new roller coaster here that's really popular. Maybe we should queue up for that one first?”

She quietly took a few deep breaths to calm herself.

“Sounds like fun,” she quipped and smiled care-freely at her date.

It sounded like her worst nightmare, actually. She could barely stop herself from simply turning around and bolting back and out of there as fast as she could. But instead, the two of them handed their passes to the staff at the gate, got their “All attractions paid” bracelets and entered the park.

Why did she have to have such rotten luck? For once, she met a person who was nice to her, whom she found incredibly attractive and who was interested in her even though he knew the truth. For the first time in her life she was going on a date that she had truly looked forward to. So why... why did it have to turn out like this in the end, why did it have to be ruined with him choosing to go to an amusement park of all places when she was so terribly acrophobic?

And why couldn't she just _tell_ him that instead of trapping herself in the predicament by pretending to be thrilled about this? She should have just told him the truth and spared herself the stressful experience of trying to get through the date without him noticing her real feelings.

But actually, she knew _exactly_ why she hadn't done that. It was because she _was_ already invested in this, despite her resolution not to get swept away so quickly, and couldn't bear the idea of somehow ruining it by expressing her dislike or even just making him feel bad about choosing the wrong thing. Besides... _“All girls”_...

Somehow, those thoughts made her more determined and she finally managed to get a grip on herself. The park was big and there were quite a few people as it was Saturday, even if still really early morning: families, small groups of friends, couples... It was a little startling for her to realize that she actually fit into the _last_ category herself. Ninomiya's hand felt warm and reassuring around hers and her smile gradually turned more genuine while she relaxed and looked around, taking in the impressive and beautiful sights around her.

It didn't take them long to find the queue to the roller-coaster that Ninomiya had mentioned, and it was harder to keep the anxiety at bay then, especially as they slowly moved closer to the ride while trying to pass the time by chatting about more general things. The line wasn't as long yet as it would get later in the day, when the park got fuller and busier, but it was still at the “Average waiting time 30 minutes” mark when they joined it. However, the half an hour seemed to pass quite rapidly, as time always did when Shouko wished for it to go slower, and before she knew it, she was taking deep breaths again to keep her panic down. They were already just a couple of minutes away from taking a seat in one of the ride cars themselves.

Would Ninomiya notice if she spent the entire ride with her eyes closed? Would he find that weird? People got scared on those rides in general, didn't they? Closing your eyes wasn't that weird at all and it would help her with her fear a little bit. Or perhaps she should just say that she unexpectedly got a headache and no longer felt like...

“Ah, Shouko-chan, I'm sorry,” her thoughts unexpectedly got interrupted by the sheepish voice of her date. He let go her (very sweaty by now) hand, “But I really need to go to the bathroom, so unfortunately I'll probably miss our time. Would you be okay taking this alone? We could meet up again somewhere close to the exit from the ride?”

She blinked a little dumbly in surprise.

“Huh? Uhm, yes, of course,” she answered without thinking but then suddenly realized what this meant for her, and her mood abruptly brightened, the pressure in her chest getting lower as she simply couldn't believe her luck, “I'll be fine, you can go, we'll just meet there then, in a few minutes,” she gave her permission and that was all he needed, it seemed, before he nodded, apologized quickly again and left the queue while she watched him go.

Had she been thinking a bit more clearly, she probably would have found it incredibly weird that he, apparently, didn't realize that he needed the bathroom until they were at this point and that he seemingly needed it so badly suddenly that he couldn't even hold it the few minutes it would have taken them to finish the ride. But as it was, she was just far too busy being happy about the chance this gave her to avoid taking the ride herself. She just had to wait for him to be out of sight and then she could leave the queue herself, simply go to where they agreed to meet and then wait until he got there after he was finished with his bathroom business. It was the perfect plan. And hopefully, since this was the highest ride in the park, she could later just say she had enough excitement and not go on any other really high rides anymore.

And that was exactly what she did. The family in the line behind her looked at her a bit weirdly as she was the second person to leave from in front of them in as many minutes but she didn't care. She couldn't keep a silly smile off her face. It had worked out, somehow, and this way she could avoid seeming weird to him or hurting his feelings by appearing unappreciative of what he had planned for them. The amount of relief that she felt was ridiculous and had her feeling a little dizzy.

Until, that is, she got close to the meeting spot and saw that he was already there, waiting for her, looking straight at the door from which she was supposed to come out of had she taken the ride. There was no way to pretend that she was coming out of there without him realizing. But... But how could he have got here so soon? It was as if he had gone straight here after leaving her. Surely it would have taken him a while to get to a toilet?

At that point, he must have sensed that someone was staring at him and glanced around only to spot her standing just a few meters away from him. She felt caught, but he visibly froze as well and for a long time they just stared at each other, neither of them knowing what to say or do. A small group of people spilled out from the door he had been looking at, apparently satisfied customers of the ride that she _hadn't_ gone on, and their loud, excited voices finally pulled Shouko out of her stupor. Taking a deep breath and resolving to just confess everything, she took a few steps towards Ninomiya and he walked up to greet her. Then came another period of awkward silence and not meeting each other's eyes.

“I-” she finally opened her mouth but he chose the exact same moment to talk, cutting her off.

“I get terrible motion sickness,” he blurted out, “Can't get on boats or swings or roller coasters... even long car rides can get tough. But I really wanted to bring you on a date you would enjoy because I like you so much, and my friend said there's no way to go wrong with amusement parks so I just... I'm sorry,” he finished, bowing his head in shame, “I obviously lied about having to go to the toilet just to get out of actually riding that thing.”

She just stared at him, not having expected that, and then spoke up herself.

“I'm deathly afraid of heights,” she made her own confession, “Anything more than half a meter off the ground and I'm a shivering mess. But you seemed so hopeful and like you put so much thought into this that I didn't want to ruin it...”

He lifted his head again then and their eyes finally met. A second, then two, and suddenly both of them just burst out into laughter, the ludicrousness of the situation dropping on them in full weight.

“This was unbelievably ridiculous, wasn't it?” he asked, trying to catch his breath, and she nodded, still giggling.

“If we just hadn't tried too much and just told each other the truth...”

“Yeah,” he chuckled again and then the wave of amusement passed, although they stayed with grins on their faces. Shouko still felt stupid, and for sure he was the same, but at least they figured it out before they wasted the entire day on this farce.

“Well... there is still the haunted mansion...” he pointed out, trailing off, and she quickly caught his drift.

“And the mini zoo,” she added, her eyes getting a glint, “You can feed animals there.”

“A lot of different food booths too. I heard the food here is great.”

“I can't wait to try it,” she nodded seriously and then the two of them giggled again.

“So there's no need to go somewhere else?” he asked, and she nodded once more.

“No need at all.”

Both in agreement, they linked their hands anew and got ready to resume their date. Hopefully, more successfully this time.


	6. Chapter 6

# Chapter 5

Perhaps that was strange, but Shouko felt as if the misunderstanding had actually brought the two of them closer together and made a big part of the nervousness that came from this being their first date disappear. Once they told each other their real feelings, they revealed just how much effort the two of them were putting into making this date work out, and that showed that _both_ of them felt it was similarly important to them. Knowing that their commitment level was the same did wonders in making them feel more at ease.

Of course, a tiny sense of embarrassment lingered, since neither of them were actually the sort of people who would usually act so ridiculously, and made both of them feel a little awkward. After they had worked it out and since Shouko felt more clear-headed now that she wasn't on the verge of panic, she couldn't really comprehend how stupidly she had acted. Had she really believed she could have somehow realistically pretended to not be afraid of heights? And Ninomiya most likely felt the exact same way about his far-fetched excuse to leave the line for the roller-coaster.

But since both of them had done the same amount of stupid things, it was easier for them to collectively somehow push it out of their minds and just continue with their date. And the first stop after the misunderstanding, they both agreed, would be the bumper cars. Since they were standing right in front of them.

“And it's probably the most exciting attraction that both of us can actually _go on_ here anyway,” Shouko giggled as she clung to his arm while they stood in a line mostly filled with little kids and their parents, “So it's the best replacement for the roller-coaster-start of the date that we can find.”

Ninomiya mock-glared at her.

“Don't correctly make us sound so pathetic,” he mumbled in a low voice, causing her to break out into mirthful laughter which she tried to stifle against his shoulder, a few of the parents in the queue glancing at them disapprovingly for causing such a commotion in this previously perfectly orderly line. Shouko had the grace to appear chastised. For a second. Before she started giggling again.

They had more fun with the bumper cars than Shouko thought she, as an adult, should be willing to admit. But that didn't stop them from going for round two and three as the wait for their turn here was nowhere near as long as for other, more popular attractions.

The mini zoo was their following choice and as Shouko fed baby goats from her hand with some palletted grain that her date bought her for two hundred yen a package, Ninomiya actually brought out his phone to take a few pictures while the cute animals crowded around her, bleating for more.

“What are you doing?” she inquired immediately after catching sight of the action, but was unable to leave the small circle of goats that now surrounded her to see for herself, instead carefully, little by little, trying to divide up what little fodder she had left between the animals that were all so good at begging for her attention.

“Getting a new pretty background picture for my phone,” was his casual answer which made her pout, but her protest was cut short as one of the little goats chose that moment to try and see if the other human had anything good to give for it too by nudging his hand, which, to his great distress, made him drop the phone onto the grassy ground.

“That was a sign that you shouldn't be taking photos of people without asking them for permission first, Nino-san,” she stated a few minutes later, when she was done feeding and hugging the cute goats and he was finished with his comical, panicked check if his top-of-the-line phone was unbroken after the unexpected test of gravity that it was involuntarily made to participate in. The conclusion of the venture was that it still worked (both the phone and one of the fundamental forces of nature) and that the picture of Shouko feeding goats made a really great phone wallpaper whether she liked it or not, as he proved by flashing her the newly redecorated screen of his phone.

“We should have gone to some stronger animals,” she grumbled with exaggerated annoyance. She perhaps would have been _truly_ put out, if it weren't for the fact that the photo _was_ undeniably cute and captured one of the brightest smiles that she had ever seen on her own face, “Maybe then they would have done some proper damage that would have actually made you regret doing this without my consent.”

They did visit a kangaroo pen next, which probably counted as going to stronger animals, but the only thing that suffered damage there was Ninomiya's pride as a tiny, young female kangaroo kept following him around despite him having nothing to feed her with. Shouko couldn't help but continuously coo over how cute both of them were from a distance where she was happily feeding some family members of the creature chasing Ninomiya around.

“I don't do cute,” he stated stubbornly, determinedly trying to straighten out his slightly ruffled clothing as they were walking out of the zoo area a little while later, “There was simply something weird with that kangaroo.”

“Or she simply had really good taste,” was Shouko's automatic answer and she blushed slightly once she realized what she said. Ninomiya also paused in his attempt to sort out his messed up hair and looked up to gaze at her with a raised eyebrow.

“That's true. She has it at least as good as yours,” he finally agreed pompously, his habit of acting really self-confident returning together with a smirk and a wink, “So... The haunted mansion is up next, isn't it?” he changed the subject, and she followed him, a little hesitantly.

“About that...” she mumbled, averting her eyes, “I am not too sure...”

“Mm?” the eyebrow went up again as Ninomiya seemed surprised, “You don't like those?”

“I do but... I get startled so easily,” she admitted shyly, “It's embarrassing.”

“Well, being startled is the whole point of haunted houses,” he pointed out, smiling at her encouragingly and offering his hand again which she took blushingly, letting him lead them in the right direction, “There would be no fun in going otherwise. And if it gets too scary for you, you'll at least always have your tastefully chosen date to protect you.”

She chuckled a little and rolled her eyes.

“And I suppose you don't get scared at all?”

“Never,” he swore with a serious expression on his face that only made her doubt him more. But apparently he told the truth, because when they actually entered the attraction, he didn't even flinch once although _she_ kept on getting startled and clutched at his elbow so strongly it was probably even painful for him at that point. Not to mention all those times she ended up hiding her face against his neck when she got jump-scared.

“Well this is _one_ way to make sure our relationship progresses,” he made fun of her at one point as he petted her hair while she pressed her face against his neck again after yet another “monster” growled at her from around the corner unexpectedly, “We're definitely at the point where touching is no issue already.”

She huffed indignantly and lifted her head again to glare at him.

“This was your goal the entire time, wasn't it?” she accused, not so seriously, because his words were truthful to a point. Although they had started to hold hands pretty much since the beginning of the date, she wouldn't have ever started clinging to him so _closely_ on her own accord so quickly. But in the scary setting, she had simply done it out of instinct at first, and, after a few times, it stopped feeling weird altogether. Which was why she didn't even feel the need to back away suddenly now that he had pointed it out, “To have me all over you suddenly? How sneaky of you, Ninomiya-san,” she spoke a little teasingly as they walked further down the dark corridor.

“As much as I'd like to take credit for planning this out with the intention of making you relax more around me, unfortunately I didn't actually think this far,” he denied with just the same amount of good humor, “But I w-”

She didn't get to hear what he was about to say till the end, however, as something rather unexpected happened. It was a small compilation of coincidental factors that made it possible for it to happen: both of them being distracted by their own conversation, the fact that it was Ninomiya talking during that particular moment and even the fact that he was walking on the right side and too busy looking at her face, with his body slightly turned towards her even as they walked. But all of that meant that when a pair of people dressed as Frankenstein-esque monsters jumped out of their hiding place on the right side of the corridor, screaming straight into his ear, for once it was _Ninomiya_ who got truly frightened. And whereas she only got startled a little this time, he actually let out an involuntary high-pitched yell before jumping towards her and ending up being pressed against her in an instinct to hide.

Pressed against her with his face just _slightly_ above her chest area, to be exact.

It didn't really matter _during_ the small moment of commotion, before the “monsters” ran away and disappeared again into the dark as if they had never even been there. But once they were gone and the two of them suddenly realized what sort of position they were in, they both just froze for a while, not quite knowing what to do. A violently dark blush soon rose to her face, making her ears burn, and she couldn't even move to gently push him away from herself and break the rather compromising, intimate position they were stuck in.

After a few seconds, he finally did it himself however, the expression on his face somewhere between genuinely mortified and ridiculously amused. The silence stretched for a while longer as she just didn't know what to say and he seemed to be thinking, but then at some point his expression turned smug and his eyes twinkled with something that immediately made her wary of what was going to come out of his mouth.

“See, this is what I meant,” he smirked, “It would have been so much better had you been wearing high heels.”

At first she didn't understand. Then the fact that his face would have landed _right_ on top of her breasts had she been a little bit “taller” came to her and her eyes widened, her blush somehow deepening even further as she couldn't believe he would actually _say_ that. For half a second she struggled with the need to just slap him, but then she realized he was still grinning up at her mischievously and then he had the gall to _wink_ at her and somehow that made all the (even originally not very real) anger turn into fond exasperation. And she sighed.

“You're insufferable sometimes, Sir,” she muttered, using the honorific he so much didn't want her using (at least during their date) on purpose. He faked a horrified reaction at hearing that before just brushing the whole incident away.

“Come on, I think we're almost done with this place, Shouko-chan,” he spoke as he softly took her hand and intertwined their fingers anew, prompting them to start moving again, “I'm going to treat you for some food now, it's about lunch time already anyway,” he offered casually and she suddenly felt uncomfortable.

“You don't have to, I mean... I eat a _lot_ ,” she revealed, a little embarrassed, and he took a second to look back at her and give her figure a critical look-over.

“I'm sure,” he commented sarcastically, obviously not convinced considering how slender her body was, “But I still think I'll somehow manage to pay for it,” he added for good measure and she decided not to waste time arguing. He'd realize she wasn't joking when he saw her eat. Or even just saw her _ordering_ for that matter. That did turn out to be enough to leave him gaping at her a few minutes later when they were sitting at a table with a waiter walking away after getting their order.

“As I said, I can really just pay for myself,” she mumbled once more, blushing, feeling uncomfortable at his reaction. She had always known that she ate a lot for... well, honestly, she ate a lot for a person of _any_ gender. So it was probably quite shocking, considering she really didn't look like she ate that much. But she couldn't help it, even if it did mean spending more of her already very limited money on food than she would have liked, “I mean, just because you're taking me on a date doesn't mean-”

“No!” he interrupted her suddenly, and she jumped a little in her seat, surprised, making him reach out for her hand over the table and gently squeeze it in apology, “I'm sorry, I just didn't expect it, that's all,” he laughed slightly awkwardly, “But it doesn't even really matter, I'd really like to treat you, if you'd allow me to?” he asked very nicely and she obviously had to nod then, “Good. And this makes us an even better fit, you know. I don't like eating much myself, I always end up with the waiters glaring at me for ordering so little whenever I go to restaurants. But you even it out. So we should really make a habit out of going together from now on,” he concluded, very seriously, and that finally made her giggle and relax again. He was a ridiculously smooth talker sometimes.

When the food arrived, she did feel a little embarrassed again when her big portions arrived in comparison to Ninomiya's single plate of spaghetti. But as always, he read the atmosphere quickly and made sure to talk to her casually, about video games and the most popular television shows and movies and any number of other topics that she quickly lost track of, which made her less hyper-aware of the situation and thus she just started to eat.

However, someone who regularly eats more than their friends usually quickly learns that if you want to not get left behind or make your dinner partners wait, you have to eat much faster than others usually do. And when you rush, you are bound to get clumsier and messier. Only Shouko usually thought that she had had enough practice in the art of eating quickly while still looking elegant enough and not getting white sauce all over one's blouse to actually manage it quite well. But small accidents still sometimes happened, and...

“Ah, you have...” Ninomiya started suddenly, looking somewhere at the lower part of Shouko's face and gesturing awkwardly, “It's a little bit of...” he continued, still gesturing while she unsuccessful tried to read where he was pointing at exactly with a paper napkin already half-lifted to her face, “Ah, I'll just...”

And suddenly he was leaning in close, _so close_ , to slide his own finger quickly over a spot right above the left corner of her lips to wipe off whatever it was that she had managed to dirty herself with, and, without much thinking, he then stuck that finger into his own mouth to lick it off. He was still leaning in, however, so for a few moments they just stared at each other, comically: him with a finger between his lips and her with a slight, rosy blush coloring her cheeks.

“So uhm... it's gone then?” Shouko breathed out a squeakily embarrassed question, trying to somehow break them out of the uncomfortable situation but her date seemed quite content just staying so close to her and staring for a while longer.

“Almost,” he finally answered a couple of seconds later, “There's just...”

He was leaning in even closer then, making her hold her breath for a second as she couldn't understand what he was doing. But then he was right there, his lips pressing against the very same spot that his finger had touched just a little while ago, as if to clean up whatever remnants of the food that were still there. A tiny flicker of tongue to lick the skin clean before it disappeared again and his lips slid a little to the side until they covered hers, causing her eyes to widen for a mere millisecond before they fluttered closed.

The kiss was in no way spectacular. It was not passionate, or deep or even romantic. It was a simple press of slightly chapped lips against soft ones. There was little to no movement aside from that, just a short time spent in that same position... but it almost made her heart jump out of her chest. Because despite it being nothing that special, it still felt so _nice_. To her, it felt perfect to just feel him so close and willingly doing it because he wanted to. Because he wanted exactly _this_.

The moment when they separated and she opened her eyes again to see him smiling so softly at her, her breath hitched again and she looked down at her lap. She was someone who blushed easily for many reasons – from embarrassment, or anger, or frustration... But she had never blushed out of sheer _happiness_ before.

“That... was your first kiss, wasn't it?” he asked speculatively, seeing her reaction, and she only lowered her head further.

“Maybe,” she avoided answering clearly although it was quite obvious by now. She had kissed people before, of course she had, but it was never... Shouko pouted, even though the smile on her face refused to disappear, “Don't... don't ruin it by teasing me about it n-”

“No,” he cute her off, putting a hand on her bare knee under the table and squeezing it, which prompted her to look up and see him smiling at her very cutely and brightly, “It just really makes me happy.”

By the time they got back to and finished eating, unfortunately, their time was up. She knew she had to hurry already if she didn't want to be late and thus they left the park as soon as Ninomiya paid for the food. The man was of course laughing a little at the fact that she was so worried about being late when she worked, in essence, for _him._ But she took it seriously. It would already be really weird to go back to cleaning and tidying up his rooms after spending the entire morning as his date. She didn't want the lines getting blurred further.

“But was it worth it then? Spending the morning with me, although it might make you so uncomfortable?” he asked as he was driving them back to his family manor, trying to sound casual but there was also some genuine insecurity in his voice that she could sense.

“It was worth every single bit,” she reassured him timidly, but meaning every word.

“So if I were to invite you out again?...”

“I would possibly agree,” she answered, fighting off yet another blush.

“And if I were to ask you to wear high-heels next time so that if I get startled aga-”

Her employer or not, he got a slap on his thigh for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has been reading and being so supportive so far, and an extra thank you to stripedraccoon who is always so dependable about proof-reading my writings when I ask :) <3


	7. Chapter 7

# Chapter 6

Shouko was definitely _not_ one of those stereotypical, bad comedy flick women who would have their date waiting for an hour past their agreed meeting time after saying “Just five more minutes!” because she took ages to get ready. She always had her preparations planned out to the minute (fifteen minutes for hair, twenty-three for make-up and just seven to dress in the clothes that she had already decided on and set out before-hand) and just didn't _do_ late.

And this wasn't any exception, really – she wasn't late now either. She still had _seven whole minutes_ to go (her _entire_ dressing time) when Ninomiya rang her doorbell that Monday evening. So it honestly couldn't have been helped that she ended up just buzzing him in and unlocking her door so he could enter her apartment before she continued dressing with, admittedly, more nervousness and insecurity about whether she would look okay than usual. It wasn't her fault that he came up to get her a little early and thus now had to wait in her tiny, messy living-room for her to come out, right?

But perhaps it was for the better anyway, because when she finally came out of her cramped little bedroom and he saw her, he froze and his jaw dropped so far that it might have posed a bit of a problem had it happened outside the privacy of her apartment. She fidgeted very uncomfortably under his wide-eyed gaze and tugged on the sleeves of her jacket nervously.

“Did I overdo it?” she asked in a very insecure voice, glancing down at her own figure. He was still just staring at her, with his mouth gaping open, his eyes fixed somewhere just above her short, white, frilly skirt.

“You have.... I never knew you had a belly-button piercing?” was weirdly his first comment and he still looked too shocked to say anything else after that.

“Oh crap, I really overdid it right?” she quickly started panicking because of that, “I'm sorry, I go change, I won't take more than a couple of minutes I promise, I'm quick...”

She was already turning back towards her bedroom, her left foot slipping out of the high-heel shoes she was wearing to save time. Stupid, _stupid!_ What was she thinking, getting carried away like this? Just because they were going to a club didn't mean she had to dress so... so... like _this!_ And why the _hell_ did she think he really _meant_ it when he asked her to wear high-heels? Who the fuck would ever want a giant woman towering over them as their date? That was just stupid and she should have known better and...

But then Ninomiya was stopping her, his eyes just as wide as before but now he was looking her straight in the eyes as he turned her to face him again.

“Do you have any idea,” he started, sounding a little hoarse as if he was struggling to make his voice work, “Any idea at all how absolutely gorgeous you are?”

The statement took her so much by surprise that she didn't even blush, just froze and forgot to breathe. Her figure that had been so tense from the effort to quickly disappear from his sight again slumped and she didn't quite know what to say.

“You didn't overdo anything, I love the outfit and...” he seemed to be the one to recover first now as he started speaking properly finally while his hand gently lifted to brush over her navel, which was covered by the sheer fabric of the lower part of her black blouse, with the back of his fingers, making her shiver, “I didn't expect _this_ , but it strangely really suits you,” he chuckled, “It's a weird thing to discover perhaps... In a way that shows that we don't really know that much about each other yet, doesn't it?” he mused out loud, sounding a bit melancholy now. He then reached out for her hand, confusing her a little, and took the shoe that she now had hanging by a strap off her finger, “And these should _definitely_ stay on,” he said sternly as he crouched down in front of her. She blushed slightly as she realized what he intended to do and awkwardly braced herself on his shoulder while he lifted her left foot and put the shoe back on.

“Thank you,” she muttered, embarrassed by his action, after she could steadily stand on both her feet again and he stood back up.

“Ah, I told you didn't I? Perfect height,” he commented then with a wink and she quickly averted her eyes because she knew very well what he was getting at and was too embarrassed to acknowledge the fact that she was all too aware of what part of her body his eyes were nicely in line with like this. However, looking away meant she realized just how messy of an apartment she had invited him into.

“Oh, uhm... sorry about the mess,” she started fidgeting again but he immediately just laughed and waved her off.

“It's cozy in here,” he said with a smile, “Have you lived here long?”

She quickly realized that he was trying to correct the fact that they knew so little about each other now that he had noted it. And she appreciated it, she did but... she always found it so hard to open up to people. She never knew just which fact from her rather eventful life would make someone judge her negatively. But... But she had promised herself that she'd try to trust him. He had proven he deserved that trust quite a few times by now. And she owed him at least some effort to do so.

“Uhm, since I was sixteen actually,” she revealed and he immediately looked at her again with obvious surprise, and she hurried to explain and brush it off again, “My parents actually bought it for me as a gift,” _their way of getting rid of me,_ “When I decided to live on my own,” _without having to deal with being accused of child neglect,_ “I've lived here ever since,” she finished and smiled as brightly as she could. So much for being open and truthful. But from the way his eyes lingered on her silently for a few seconds afterwards, she had a suspicion that he was able to read between the lines.

“I see,” he smiled, “Well, as cozy as it is here, we have somewhere to go I think?” he said, offering her his elbow and she happily allowed him to escort her out of her home and into his car.

The bar that he had promised to take her to when he officially asked her on a second date once they had returned to their manor on Saturday (“ _It's this club/bar owned by a friend and it's nice there and it shouldn't be_ too _crowded on a Monday evening!_ ”) turned out to be only a short trip from her place so unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) they barely had any time for conversation or any other questions for the sake of getting to know each other during it.

Ninomiya was obviously a regular in the place as he was let inside with her without a single question (which made sense if it was owned by his friend) and soon they were making their way through the dimly lit place, maneuvering between tables until they got to the bar, where three stools were strangely empty at a side. Ninomiya plopped down onto one of them, obviously feeling at home, and gestured for her to sit on one next to him, which she did, shyly perching down on it and holding her tiny purse close to herself as if for protection while she looked around. It didn't take more than a minute before they caught the attention of the cheerfully smiling bartender who immediately approached them.

“Nino!” he exclaimed excitedly enough that it was heard even with the music blaring from the speakers around them, “You came today! And Nino's girlfriend!” the man continued, his enthusiasm not lowering with time at all. She blushed a little at being called that, but fortunately for her, Ninomiya didn't seem to like the high volume either.

“Idiot, always too loud,” he muttered with a half-hearted glare, “At least treat your customers with proper respect. It's not “Nino's girlfriend”, it's Sakurai Shouko for you,” he half-chided half-introduced and then turned to her, dismissively gesturing at the man on the other side of the bar, “The airhead over there is Aiba Masaki. He's, _unfortunately_ , a childhood friend of mine and also the genius that figured out that an amusement park date is perfect with _everyone_ ,” he added wryly and she found herself biting her lower lip to stop herself from laughing at how cranky her “boyfriend” looked just remembering that. But the barman just beamed proudly, completely misreading the sentiment in the words.

“Yes, I did!” he nodded happily but, at their lack of obvious gratitude, his smile seemed to wilt as he slowly caught on, “Oh...” he mouthed, “Am I sorry?” he asked comically, glancing at Ninomiya quizzically who just glared in response.

“I'm very afraid of heights,” Shouko decided to take pity on the man who immediately looked horrified and terribly apologetic, “But it's okay! You couldn't have known! And Nino-san didn't know either so it couldn't be helped, and it turned out to be a lot of fun regardless,” she smiled at him very forgivingly as, indeed, she felt no regrets about that date by now anyway and actually felt like it got them much closer to each other.

“Oh,” he repeated, still looking guilty and a little saddened only to, a second later, unexpectedly perk up again “Oh!” he said for the third time and turned towards Ninomiya with his whole body, “She calls you Nino-san, Nino! That is sooo cute,” he cooed, apparently full of excitement again and Shouko had to bite the insides of her cheeks quite strongly because of how long-suffering her date's reaction looked.

“Shut up and get us some drinks already! What sort of barkeep are you if you don't even ask what your customers want? Get me a beer and...” he trailed off and glanced at her questioningly.

“A Mojito would be fine?” she mumbled timidly, and Aiba beamed at her again.

“Right away, Shouko-chan!” he promised, apparently as quick to drop formalities as his friend. Shouko could swear she could also hear him squeal “Uwaa! How cute!” under his breath as he left them momentarily to get their drinks.

“He seems sweet,” she commented in a whisper to Ninomiya who snorted.

“If you're into morons, then maybe,” he muttered, but even if Ninomiya pretended to just be annoyed by his “air-headed” friend, she could see that there was a deep-rooted fondness and friendship that her date actually felt towards the other man who, after tending to a couple more patrons and refilling their drinks, was soon already returning with his beer,

“Here you go, Nino-chan,” the bartender said, ignoring Ninomiya's glower at being called that as he put the open beer-bottle in front of Ninomiya and then started making Shouko's drink as well, “So Shouko-chan, Nino didn't really want to reveal much about you to us. Are you a student? Do you really work as a maid in his manor?” the cheerful man asked away and she nodded.

“Yes and yes,” she answered, “I study at Keio and I needed the job to pay the student fees,” she explained, gratefully accepting her drink and taking a small sip.

“Keio? Wow, that's amazing,” the barkeep truly seemed impressed by that as he leaned in closer, “What major?” he asked curiously and she swirled her drink and the ice-cubes with a straw. She smiled as, ironically, this was allowing Ninomiya to get to know stuff about her as well, just as he had wanted. Her date was also obviously listening as he drank his beer.

“Social sciences,” she responded casually, not thinking much of it, but Ninomiya's ears seemed to perk up with interest at the little piece of general information of her life that, still, he hadn't yet known.

“Really?” he asked, perhaps not remembering that she had mentioned it once already on the first time they had met, “Why did you get interested in that?”

She hesitated this time, mulling over her answer for a bit and choosing her words.

“I figured it would be helpful. Social issues and the way society's collective mindset works seems to be something that will probably play a role in my life quite a bit,” she explained, “Besides, the course was the cheapest one in Keio,” she added as an after-thought with a smile that was supposed to turn it all into a joke while she drank her beverage to hide her sudden nervousness. But Aiba seemed confused.

“A big role in your life? But what do you mean?” he asked, his whole being simply spilling over with innocent curiosity, but it made her smile freeze on her face. Did he not know?... She opened her mouth in preparation to answer, although she didn't yet know what she was going to say, but Ninomiya was ahead of her, drawing attention to himself by clearing his throat.

“Now I might be wrong,” he drawled with obvious sarcasm, “But if I'm not, then this is supposed to be our date and not your opportunity to ask my girlfriend questions,” he continued and Aiba had the grace to immediately look abashed.

“Ah yes, sorry, I get carried away sometimes,” he was already apologizing a second later, bowing his head.

“So if you don't mind,” Ninomiya resumed just as meaningfully, “I will now take my date to dance and you should, perhaps, tend to the other customers that you've been ignoring in the meantime?”

The bartender looked even more embarrassed after that and quickly excused himself, promising to be a good friend and mostly stay away from then on. Something about that phrase was a little ironic, but Shouko had no time to ponder about it before Ninomiya was, indeed, asking her to go dance with him. Normally, Shouko probably would have wavered a little before agreeing, or at least warned the man that she was possibly a bit too clumsy to be taken to the dance-floor and too stiff to actually be good at dancing anyway, but she was a bit too distracted by her thoughts to do so. Which was, perhaps, fortunate considering how often she was hesitant to do the things that Ninomiya suggested and it was most likely getting a little tiresome. And yet again, it wasn't that nice, considering just what was bothering her right then. Still, she just allowed herself to be led into the mostly empty, small dance-floor of the bar and waited until they started moving to the slow music, standing close to each other, his hands gentle on her waist, before she quietly brought it up.

“You didn't tell Aiba-san that I'm...” she trailed off. As ridiculous as it was, considering Ninomiya obviously knew the truth, _saying_ it was still too hard for her. Especially as it, indeed, had yet to be stated directly between them. But the man didn't seem troubled by her question at all.

“Of course not,” he answered immediately, but before she could get upset about the dismissiveness with which he said it, he was already explaining himself completely differently from what Shouko, with all her readiness to always assume the worst, had expected, “It is not my place at all, is it? He might be _my_ friend, but he has no reason to be told until _you_ are ready and unless you want it. Besides, I told you already, right? To me, that doesn't make a difference. And despite how dumb they might sometimes seem, I choose my friends well. I don't expect Aiba would care much either,” he reassured her, and she _did_ feel relieved, but still a little reluctant to completely let it go.

“So... you didn't hide it because you were ashamed to say-”

“No, _obviously_ not,” he denied that instantly, looking shocked by the idea alone, his eyes wide as saucers, “I _never_ felt that way about this.”

She looked down, now a little ashamed for having doubted him.

“It's just... when you interrupted me when I was about to tell him I thought...”

“I only did so because I thought you felt pressured by the question to reveal it to him,” Ninomiya corrected her assumptions easily, smiling up at her softly and reaching up to caress her slightly rosy cheek, “I would never interfere if you wanted to trust my friends with it, would never have _anything_ against that. But I don't want you to do it only because you feel you _have_ to. My own attitude towards it aside, you obviously and understandably struggle with it sometimes. So that's why I made sure you have a way out of saying it. If I shouldn't have done it then...”

“No!” she exclaimed a little too loudly immediately, and then embarrassedly lowered her voice, “No, that was... incredibly thoughtful of you. Thank you,” she said sincerely, her voice cracking a little as she spoke, her heart feeling fluttery in her chest and the corners of her eyes itching with ridiculous tears that wanted to spill over because she suddenly just felt so overemotional. She could barely believe that this person was even real right then. How could someone be so perfect and understanding? And how in hell did _she_ get lucky enough to meet him out of all the people in the world?

“I don't know what I did to deserve someone as amazing as you in my life,” she said, not really realizing she was speaking out loud until it was too late. But he didn't even bat an eyelash.

“I feel the exact same way about you,” he whispered and slowly leaned in, giving her enough time to back away, just in case. But she never did.

It was a little awkward. With her on high-heels and him being quite short in general, he actually had to lift himself slightly on tip-toes before he could press his lips against hers for the second time in their lives, his hands on her waist now holding on stronger as he used the connection for support. They had stopped dancing, right in the middle of dance-floor, uncaring of the continuing music or the few couples that swayed to it around them. Their own world had paused, standing still around the steady point of where their lips pressed against each other's.

Even as inexperienced as she was, she still knew to part her lips for him when he varied the pressure slightly. Her heart beating in her throat with excitement and nervousness, she could do little more than just allow him to explore her mouth slowly, languidly, tasting the mint in her breath while sharing the strong flavour of beer with her in return. One of his hands lifted, his precarious balance swerving a little as his hand found its way to the nape of her neck, holding her face close to his own as he lead the experience. It took a little while before she found the courage to start to respond properly, her own tongue moving curiously, experimentally, coaxed and guided by his own.

When she finally opened her eyes again after their lips had separated, she felt dizzy with the lack of oxygen but too happy and exhilarated to care. Their faces were still close to each other and she knew that the smile that she could see on his face was reflected on her own. Instead of backing away, however, they stayed close, their foreheads now resting against each other, both of them uncaring of how awkward that position was with their height difference. She felt happier and calmer than she had ever felt before. With comfortable silence between them, they just continued to dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO MUCH for the amazing response that the last chapter got. I was over the moon to have that much feedback <3  
> I'm sorry that this is going to be four chapters in a row filled with two dates cut in half, but I'm afraid that's the only way I could make them work. I hope this chapter was enjoyable :)


	8. Chapter 8

# Chapter 7

When they returned to sit at the bar, there was someone new sitting on a stool that had previously been free next to theirs, but Aiba was immediately sliding to their side and only paid attention to _them_ , with a teasing grin and an exaggerated whistle that showed he had seen all too well what had happened to have them both, still, glowing in flustered happiness.

“Heyyy,” he started, obviously about to say something that would embarrass both of them immensely, but as always, Ninomiya was one step ahead.

“Another beer please, _Master_ ,” he ordered pointedly, reminding the man on the other side of his previous comment about wanting to be left alone on a date, and the other man pouted but got the hint.

“Ayyy,” he said in an affirmative, sliding right back the way he had come from. Shouko couldn't help but giggle into her hand softly, finding this both a little mean and adorable at the same time. At least Aiba seemed to be taking it all in good spirits. Although honestly, she had a hard time even imagining the cheerful bartender getting upset or taking _anything_ to heart.

She was startled from her calm musings when Ninomiya suddenly let out a really long sigh beside her. When she turned to look at him to find out what was the matter, he was glaring at the handsome newcomer that was sitting on the other side of her.

“Was it a mistake for me to think that it was possible to have a date in this place without getting constantly interrupted?” Ninomiya asked, his voice sounding almost rhetorical and not really directed at anyone. But the stranger's dark eyebrow twitched, betraying the fact that he was the intended target of the words, “We don't need a chaperone, J. Why are you even here?”

The unknown to her (but apparently very familiar to her date) man lifted his own glass of beer to his lips and took a slow sip before he answered.

“I don't see why I should explain my presence in my own establishment,” he said in a rather dismissive tone and Shouko frowned. Own establishment? But wasn't Aiba?... “Besides, I was just sitting here silently, so you can't really accuse me of interfering.”

Ninomiya snorted.

“Right,” he drew out sarcastically, but fortunately, Aiba chose that moment to reappear with the beer.

“See, Jun-kun, isn't Shouko-chan cute? Nino-chan really got himself a beauty this time,” he cooed making the girl blush, but then “Jun-kun” turned to look at her fully, prompted by the words, and she found herself backing away closer to her date. The unknown man had a _really_ intense gaze. And very dark eyebrows. She felt a little... intimidated. But after half a second of observing, the man's features softened and he smiled, extending his hand towards her.

“Matsumoto Jun,” he introduced himself, “The owner of this place.”

A little confused, she reached out to shake his hand but the moment it was close enough, the man grasped it and gallantly brought it to his lips instead, kissing it. She blushed even darker.

“S-Sakurai Shouko,” she stuttered, while Ninomiya snorted beside her again.

“Here he goes again, pretending to be all smooth,” he muttered under his breath, but loud enough for all of them to hear. And was it just her or did he sound... jealous? Her cheeks burning, she gently extracted her hand and put it onto her lap, away from the stranger's soft hold.

“Owner? I thought Aiba-san....” she started, but the bartender, who was still standing close-by, hurried to interrupt.

“Oh, no no, I'm just a lowly barkeeper,” he explained, gesturing emphatically. She blinked. Ninomiya had said the bar belonged to a _friend_ so when he had introduced Aiba she had assumed... Well, but maybe this _Jun_ was a friend as well, despite the fact that their relationship seemed a little hostile at the moment. Then again, Ninomiya didn't treat Aiba all that much better either, if in a different way.

She didn't know how she felt about that. He was more than nice to _her_ but...

What was she thinking? It was none of her business anyway. Just because she had been going out with him for a week or so, didn't give her a right to frown upon the way he had built up his relationships with his friends. Obviously, there was more to it than met the eye.

“Jun-chan is the one that owns it and was nice enough to hire me,” the bartender was still talking in the meantime and, from her position pressed against Ninomiya who was casually drinking his beer, she had a great view of how Jun's eyebrow twitched again.

“That's Matsumoto-san to you, _employee_!” he chided, not too seriously, just less than amused by the way he had been addressed. But Aiba ignored him and instead leaned in closer to Shouko conspiratorially.

“Don't pay any mind to Jun-kun,” he whispered into her ear, “He's just grumpy because he had hoped that Nino would have Ohno-kun with him tonight.”

“Ohno-kun?” She repeated, looking from Aiba to Matsumoto (who was now glaring) and back again. Another unfamiliar name and she was already having a slight problem keeping up.

“Nino's best friend,” Aiba supplied her cheerfully, “They're really close so Nino-chan brings him here together with him sometimes, and Jun-kun here has been trying real hard to get him interested... Ah, I say they're close but not in _that_ way, there's no need to be jealous or anything...”

As he seemed to likely do often, Aiba was quickly getting flustered and started tripping over his own words and she tried to smile to reassure him that it was okay, but her brain was rather busy trying to process the information she had just been given. So... Matsumoto was trying to get Nino's best friend, who was obviously a _guy_ , to date him? And Aiba also apparently thought it was imperative to reassure her that there wasn't anything more than friendship going on between this Ohno and her date...

“If you're quite finished talking about every single friend I have, could you get me another beer?” Ninomiya was still not enjoying any of it apparently and she could admit that this date was turning out even weirder than their first one, which said a lot. But she couldn't say she wasn't enjoying it. Still, to appease his mood, she turned to him again and shyly hugged herself to his arm a little while Aiba left them for the moment and Matsumoto seemed to focus his attention elsewhere.

“It's okay, it's nice to hear about your friends,” she whispered to him softly and timidly, “As you said earlier, we don't know that much about each other's lives...”

He looked at her then, looking insecure. It seemed like the unexpected turn of events was upsetting him more than she had thought.

“I just wanted you to really have a nice date with me this time. I'm not used to having this much trouble with achieving that,” he said in a low enough voice that she was the only one to hear, and suddenly she understood. After the last date had turned out a little... strange, he probably _really_ tried to come up with something where things couldn't go wrong. Because it was _that_ important for him to make up to her for last time. She felt really touched and smiled, shifting so she could lay her head down on his shoulder while still clinging to his elbow.

“But I'm having a really nice time?” she said, meaning it from her heart, “Your friends are nice and just because they join in a little, it doesn't mean we're not having a lovely date. After all,” she grinned a little cheekily then, “We already proved last time that things don't need to go strictly as planned for us to have a lot of fun,” she pointed out and that got her a small, grudging chuckle from him. Shouko rewarded him with a peck on his cheek. He glowed with happiness at that.

“You're too nice to someone who keeps screwing things up,” he muttered, looking at her fondly and she shook her head.

“You haven't screwed up _anything_ ,” she reassured him and leaned in to kiss him on the lips, for once feeling brave enough to initiate something. But unfortunately, Aiba chose that moment to return with the beer. Nino actually _groaned_ as this caused her to back away immediately, but the bartender just looked at him cluelessly.

“Am I sorry again?” he asked, but Nino's only answer was a weird, guttural exclamation and waving of hands that had a meaning too mystical to comprehend, amusing the barkeeper to no end and causing a bit of a commotion in the bar as a few people turned to look.

But Shouko found herself looking at her date's third beer, a little troubled. She knew she should have expected it, but as it was, she had sort of hoped to be driven back home by him. Which meant that she didn't make a back-up plan. She could maybe walk. It had been a short drive after all. But it would be so late by the time they left... And taxis were so expensive...

“Don't worry, Shouko-chan,” Aiba's soft voice suddenly pierced through the commotion and interrupted her thoughts as, for once, the bartender was the most observant of them and noticed how subdued she suddenly became even as her date was causing comical ruckus, “I always drive him back home on nights like this, and I'll take you too this time. It's no problem,” he explained to her nicely and she immediately felt relief. But this seemed to bring Matsumoto's attention back to them as well.

“Yes, you see, while Ninomiya here pretends he's all above living off his parent's riches and acting like a spoiled brat, he does, in fact, still naturally expect people to do things for him,” he mocked, and although it was supposed to just be a joke, Shouko felt her date, who was back to sitting normally by then, tense up, “Or maybe that's just how his character is in general.”

Aiba intervened immediately this time, going up another notch in her opinion of his ability to read the mood.

“There now, I was the one to offer it in the first place since I can't drink on the job anyway,” he said hurriedly, throwing Matsumoto a rather ugly look, “Let's not look down on all the work Nino has done to get to this point. Who knows if we would have bothered to do the same in his place.”

That caused her to look at Nino questioningly which pretty much ended up acting as a cue for them to give up on having a private date and just start talking. Which was, all things considered, about time.

'All that work' (it turned out through some careful probing of a rather uncharacteristically shy Nino and some help from both Matsumoto and Aiba) encompassed getting good enough with his hobby of playing music that he was able to turn that into a source of income. When he had written her a song, she had thought it was amazing of course, but she wouldn't have guessed just how serious he was about it from his attitude.

Composing songs, swallowing his pride, banging on the doors of music agencies and praying, _begging_ to be noticed. All of that started before he was even sixteen, apparently, and still had to cope with his parents getting in his way every opportunity they had. It was a testament of how difficult that had been for him that Nino kept on requesting more alcohol as the story spun on. But he was lucky – which was just a simpler word for “incredibly talented and hardworking” – enough that it had worked out for him in the end. He did get noticed and by now had quite the reputation in the industry, writing songs for some big name artists.

This was, apparently, what he was doing every day, morning till night, except for Wednesdays, somewhere in a private studio of his. Wednesdays, however, were supposed to be his free day of choice which he usually spent with the aforementioned Ohno-kun, playing video games in his home which was, seemingly, the mansion right next to the Ninomiya family one.

Pieces of information kept turning up. Ohno was an artist of his own, but more a painter than a musician, and the three men shared a multitude of anecdotes about the man, all of which left a rather _interesting_ image of him in Shouko's head.

Matsumoto (who soon got re-labelled as Matsujun even in her own head), turned out to be an old classmate of Nino's. The man's family was quite well off too, but of course nowhere near the level of the Ninomiyas. Whenever Aiba found some time in-between the customers to return to their side, conversation invariably turned direction towards one of his many pets. Matsujun, although fully able to live off the profits from his club, preferred to let out his own artistic whims through a lens of a camera and had his own studio as well, just upstairs. Ohno-kun was suspiciously bad at Mario Kart although he played it a lot. Nino and Aiba had known each other for the longest, the two of them meeting on accident when Nino had stopped to watch some kids play baseball in a park, and the lanky man ended up coming along with him into every other significant friendship that Nino made. Ohno has actually painted a portrait of Matsujun, although he refused to do the same for any of the other friends, and that apparently made the club owner rather hopeful that his feelings were not entirely one-sided.

Shouko found herself listening with a lot of interest and laughing more than she had in months, the stories that the three friends told her amusing and at the same time telling her so much about the man that had made her believe a relationship was possible for her for the first time in her life. He was far from perfect, of course. He was snarky and had far too much fun mocking his friends, he acted overly confident and egocentric and tended to blame every single mistake that he made on Aiba, no matter how ridiculous it got. But he was also the most caring and the most hardworking person she had ever met.

She of course noticed that whenever the conversation seemed to start straying her way, Nino always intervened and distracted everyone by talking about something else again (usually about his prowess in one video game or another). She was thankful for that. There was little of her life that she could talk about without her “big secret” getting revealed. Besides, none of her stories would be fun to hear during this light-hearted date/evening with friends. And although she very quickly became fond of both Aiba's clumsiness and Matsujun's sweetness that hid under a deceptively fierce exterior, she wasn't sure she wanted to be that open with them yet.

Of course maybe it didn't matter. Matsujun's scrutinizing gaze seemed to hold the same sort of perceptiveness that Nino's had, and the young Ninomiya had seen through her immediately. She knew not to underestimate any of his friends' skills of observation either. But it didn't matter. Even if he knew, he was waiting for her to be ready to acknowledge it.

The evening flew by. Sure, it was far from a romantic, private occasion with a lot of dancing that they thought it would be, but it was amazing nonetheless. When Shouko left the club into the cool, night city air, her cheeks were flushed in happiness. Holding onto her more than tipsy date's hand, she got into the back of his car and waited for Aiba to wrap up his shift and come out to drive them. The moment they got comfortable, Nino opened his mouth to speak and she put a finger against his lips to silence him.

“It was amazing,” she said, “You have nothing to apologize for. Your friends are wonderful and I feel like I know you much better after this than I would have had we spent the night dancing. Not... that I would have minded that either, but it can wait until the next time.”

“Next time?” he asked, clearly amused, and she blushed as she realized that she was the one just assuming there would be one this time, “I still have to learn about you though,” he pointed out, “That's a little unfair.”

She averted her eyes.

“That can wait for the next time too?” she asked, hopefully, and he immediately softened as he realized how unsure she still seemed.

“That can wait as long as you need,” he agreed. She lifted her head and smiled, thankful for his understanding once more and for a while they just sat there, in the darkness, looking into each other's eyes, until suddenly they were moving closer to each other again.

The feeling of his lips against hers was still a novel feeling for her, just as his tongue in her mouth, exploring, stroking, taking and giving. She let him carry her away again, even though the feeling of his hands daringly sliding lower down her body until they rested just over her ass was a little distracting. But it was also in a good way. She wrapped her arms behind his neck, finding her whole body moving more into the kiss as she slowly got the hang of it and...

The front door of the car suddenly opened, causing them to startle apart, and Aiba fell gracelessly into the driver's seat, oblivious, yet again, to what he was interrupting.

“Hey, I-”

“Goddamn it!” Nino swore, losing patience and although she didn't approve of the profanities, she had to inwardly agree with the sentiment. Aiba turned backwards to look at them, confused.

“Am I sorry again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IreallyhatethischapterandIthinkitsucks but hopefully that's just me and you guys will enjoy it. Thank you for all the support! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's technically Sunday already so I'm posting this so I don't need to think about it later. Enjoy! Hopefully >_>

# Chapter 8

She couldn't get rid of the thought that she should quit.

That was just logical, wasn't it? Getting involved with her employer... _Nothing_ screamed inappropriate more that that, did it?

But the moment she had mentioned it to Nino (on Wednesday, like usual, two days after their date in the bar) he almost got angry and told her to stop being ridiculous. That was the first time he had spoken so harshly to her, and he had apologized immediately, but that made an impact on her. That he didn't personally think it was needed was obvious, what was less obvious was that he also did understand why she might think it _would_ be. The reason he reacted so defensively to it, she realized, was because he didn't want their relationship to cause her to lose the income source that she so desperately needed. Throw her back out into the job market which was so harsh to someone like her. That would make him indirectly guilty for causing all that stress to her after all.

She would have liked to be able to get offended at that. To get mad that he thought that she couldn't do it. But she knew he was right. The mere thought of putting herself out there, where she would constantly be judged and rejected by employers just because of who she was... That was harsh even for someone who didn't already have issues with believing in their own worth.

So she stayed. If he said their relationship would not affect her work, she should believe him, right? He was the who would get most bothered if she could no longer do her job right, after all. And he turned out to be correct. Just like before, he wasn't even at home when she worked most of the time, and she barely even thought about the fact that it was her apparent boyfriend's (she still wasn't even sure if she could call him that, they only went out a couple of times) sheets that she was changing. Like before, it was just work, nothing changed, so she wasn't leaving.

But by the time Friday evening rolled around, she suddenly wished she would have.

It was late, at the end of her work day, and she was back at the servants' room, putting away her tools when Fujita-san approached her. Seeing as he did that almost every day to ask if everything was okay and sometimes giving special tasks, she was not surprised. But this time he quietly stood back, observing as she put everything away with a slightly unsettled look on his face, and thus she got a little apprehensive about it.

“Is everything alright with your work, Shouko-kun?” the elderly man asked, as usual, and she tried to smile in answer as normal.

“Yes, Fujita-san,” she responded casually. He nodded, but didn't say goodbye to her then as was usual, instead continuing to stand there, thoughtful.

“I'm afraid there is a special task I have to ask you to do,” he finally revealed, “I know you like having Monday as a free day usually but the Masters are having guests over...”

“Oh,” she let out, actually feeling relieved. If that was all... “So you need me to come in on Monday and prepare the guest rooms? That is absolutely fine, of course,” she smiled easily this time but the troubled expression didn't disappear and he shook his head.

“No, they won't be staying the night. But they are very respected and important guests to the mansion, so the Mistress requested that all maids would be present for the occasion,” he explained further and the relief was gone again. Sure, it wasn't that big of a deal but...

“I understand,” she said, now feeling a little troubled herself. Surely it would turn out to be nothing to worry about in the end, but during her time here, she had yet to serve during dinner or welcome guests directly. She mostly just worked behind the scenes. In fact, she even had yet to actually meet anyone from the family other than Nino and, once, in passing, his sister. She was apprehensive to be seen by any truly conservative members of the family and Fujita-san seemed to expect and understand that, making sure her work wouldn't bring her into contact with them.

But now, not only would she be meeting them for the first time, it would be while other visitors were around as well and it understandably made her feel nervous. But-

“I don't think you understand,” the steward suddenly disagreed with her, and she blinked, surprised, at the urgency in his tone. The old man sighed and it was the first time she had seen him in such a flustered state. She waited for him to continue, slowly getting a _really_ bad feeling about all this, “Shouko-kun... The guests that are expected to come are the lady's colleagues in the political scene... You would know them, I would expect. Shun and Yoko Sakurazawa?”

For a second, Shouko's eyes glazed over, the whole world spun, her stomach lurched and she swerved on her feet, feeling like she might faint. Breathing was difficult and it was as if someone had slapped her hard, a humming sound in her head as her blood pressure spiked and she struggled to find something to brace herself on. She didn't know how much time passed before she felt like she could function again.

“E-excuse me,” she mangled out, her instinct to flee taking over and she just stepped past the elderly steward towards the door out of the room and into the corridor. Fujita-san didn't attempt to stop her.

But the moment she was out, she realized she had overestimated her strength. She could only watch, as if in a slow motion movie scene, as her legs buckled under her even as she walked and the ground started getting closer...

Strong arms caught her, as if they had been waiting for her, and when she managed to look up she saw Nino's concerned face staring down at her. She was shaking, her whole weight supported by him only, but somehow he managed to get her back to her feet while she, as if in shock, did nothing.

“Come with me,” he said, leaving no room for discussion even if she had been in a state where she was capable of arguing. Seeing as she was no longer in danger of just dropping to the floor again, he grabbed her by the hand and led them towards an unknown destination.

When she came back to awareness, they were outside, walking down the street. She still felt queasy but no longer unable to think and thus looked around, confused.

“Where are we going?” she asked. Nino turned back to look at her, but didn't stop walking. His face was still set in a worried but determined expression, “Why are you home, you're not usually back until hours later on Fridays?”

He shook his head, dismissing her questions.

“Those are your parents that are coming, aren't they?” he asked seriously and her heart gave another painful pang. Her gaze dropped.

“How did you know?” She whispered barely audibly. He stopped, causing her to halt as well, and suddenly embraced her gently.

“When you first introduced yourself to me, I thought the name sounded familiar in a slightly weird way,” he explained as she shivered and clung to him as if for her dear life, “It wasn't until days later, when I realized some other things about you that I connected the dots. The world of us rich bastards isn't that big, and the news of the mysteriously disowned eldest son of the Sakurazawa family was big news a few years back. Your folks made sure noone found out the reason, but you didn't really try to get far away from your original name, did you?” he asked softly, “Everything seemed to fit only _too_ well so I came to suspect it that Sakurazawas were your family...”

She swallowed hard and forced herself to leave his embrace, standing up straight.

“Not anymore,” she whispered, wiping away the tears from the corners of her eyes that she hadn't even noticed shedding. Her make-up was probably shot to hell already, “Where are we going?” She asked for the second time. This time he smiled.

“We're going to visit Oh-chan,” he revealed, reaching out for her hand and they resumed their walking, this time in a much calmer pace.

“You mean... Ohno-kun? Your friend?” she asked, not understanding, and he nodded.

“When mother dear told me that I was expected to attend the dinner on Friday and the reason for it, I knew this won't go well,” he talked further, “Your... The Sakurazawas visit us once every year, but you couldn't have known - that only started comparatively recently after they started working together on some projects I think. It's still a crappy coincidence that they come so soon after you've become a maid here. I am not sure what to do, really, if I ask my mother to let one maid be exempt from the dinner service she'd just get suspicious but...”

“It's okay,” she interrupted quietly but evenly, “As long as I... handle it well myself. They probably won't even recognize me.”

That sounded miserable even to her own ears. When he looked back at her again then, she could see pity in his eyes. She didn't want that from _anyone_ , least of all someone she was dating, but she couldn't really blame him. She _was_ pitiful, wasn't she? Her whole life was rather pitiful. He obviously didn't even know what to say back.

For a few more seconds, they walked in silence, entering someone else's property. The guards at the gate only glanced at Nino's face and let them through without as much as a question and he guided them through the huge yard as if it was his own. In the end she was the one to speak up and end the quiet between them.

“Are we not going into the house?” she asked as he was quite obviously leading away from the front door. He chuckled.

“No, Oh-chan has set up base in what used to be a guest house out in the back-yard,” he explained, with a sudden bright smile, “You see, unlike my family, Ohnos were much faster to realize that hoping their son would take over the family business would get them nowhere. Satoshi has a lot of skills and talents but a business sense is definitely not one of them. He's hopeless. Even Aiba-chan is better for that, but he's only going to be inheriting a couple of restaurants, not a multi-billion hotel business among _other_ things. So auntie and uncle let Oh-chan do what he did best and let their daughter take up the other stuff. The only problem was that he kept on leaving his projects all around the mansion and making a great mess, so they told him to move his work to the guest house instead, to keep it all more or less confined in there. It works. Mostly.”

As she listened to Nino talk, Shouko could now understand why Aiba thought it was important to reassure her that there was nothing more than friendship between Nino and his apparent best friend. The young man spoke with such fondness in his voice that it could have been easy to get jealous, becoming much more animated as he thought about his artist friend. Maybe she _would_ have been jealous even with the warning had she not been, still, too preoccupied with her own troubles. But as it was, she just felt distant happiness that her boyfriend apparently had such a wonderful friendship in his life.

“But... that still doesn't explain why we're visiting him now?” she asked as they came around the big white mansion and she saw what had to be the guest-house at a corner of a gorgeous garden.

“I think he has something that you could really use right now,” Nino answered her mysteriously.

“And what is that?”

He brought them up to the door of the small building and turned to her to flash her a smile.

“A soothing presence,” he said seriously and then unceremoniously turned the handle, “Ohno! We're here!” he called out as they entered and Shouko's nose was assaulted by a the smell of oil paints and clay.

“Ah,” a crash, “Nino?” a rather muffled voice could be heard, then some un-identifiable ruckus and finally a head of disheveled hair poked out from around the corner. The man had round, dirtied with paint cheeks and eyes of a child which blinked a few times when they caught sight of Shouko, “Oh,” he said and his head tilted to and awkward angle, “Not our uniform. Your girlfriend?”

Shouko suddenly blushed. That's right, she was still wearing her uniform. And she walked the street in it and was now visiting someone all while wearing a silly french-maid outfit. She quickly reached up and took off her headband. Not that this helped much. She didn't feel very soothed at all. Nino was rolling his eyes beside her.

“Yes, Oh-chan, my girlfriend,” he answered with a smile in his voice as he carefully put a hand against her back to guide her further into the clustered room, “We need a distraction from unpleasant things. Got any new art pieces that we could make fun of? Or, lacking that, show that painting of J that you've got so I can cleverly insult his frowny face and ridiculous eyebrows in front of an audience.”

For a second, Shouko was a bit shocked at the way her boyfriend talked about his “best friend's” art, but then she remembered that this was _Nino_. The tiny owner of the mess around them seemed completely unperturbed by how the cheeky man had spoken either, showing that, yet again, Nino just had a unique way of communicating with the people who were precious to him.

“Ah that's... I just painted one piece but then...” Ohno looked sheepish for a second, rubbing the cheek which was especially multi-coloured, “I might have... fallen asleep on it and then dropped it,” he added, proceeding to scratch his nose while Shouko struggled against a desire to raise an eyebrow. Well, at least that crash she heard when they first entered now made sense, “So it's not really in a good state right now but... Jun-kun's portrait is over there,” the artist added suddenly as he walked around the various tables and piled up canvases or half-collapsed easels with a surprising grace. Nino prompted her to follow and went on to save her multiple times from tripping and stumbling as she maneuvered the same path. Her “boyfriend” seemed rather used to it. She started feeling a little embarrassed about her complete clumsiness that contrasted the two men's way of moving so much. But then all such thoughts disappeared when Ohno flipped over a large piece of cloth that covered one of the canvases and revealed the piece of art hidden under it.

“Wow,” she breathed out, blinking as she took in the amazingly beautiful portrait before her. There was no doubt that she was staring at the face of the man that she had met a few days ago in the darkness of a club, yet this was... different. Ohno's apparent not really realistic art-style made Matsumoto Jun look even more ethereally beautiful than in reality, and she was mesmerized, “This is... this is beautiful,” she said coming even closer to inspect the details. It was no wonder that Matsujun felt reassured by the existence of this painting. If _this_ was how he looked in Ohno's eyes, then...

“It's pretty good, right?” the artist himself commented in a tone of voice that was quite different from before and she couldn't help but grin at the almost childish pride that permeated through it, “I think I captured Jun-kun's cuteness not too badly...” he said, looking at his painting himself and Shouko felt warmed when she saw the emotion in his eyes that was directed, quite obviously, not at the portrait itself but the person that was immortalized in it.

She had seen it before, she realized. On Nino's face, that time a couple of weeks ago when he fully played her the song that he had written for her for the first time. She had to be pretty special herself then, right? If she was the inspiration of a piece of art that was as good as the one inspired by someone who had his feet as firmly on the ground as Matsumoto Jun. A man that had managed to genuinely impress her even thought she had barely chatted with him once.

“I find I can't really draw men well,” Ohno was speaking up in the meantime beside her and she, a little flustered, made herself pay attention, “That's partly why I've never painted anyone else no matter how many times Masaki asked me to... But Jun-kun can be as pretty as a girl sometimes,” he explained thoughtfully before looking up at her, “I would definitely love to draw you though, if you'd allow me. I've _always_ wanted to paint a girl as pretty as you.”

Shouko felt as if the air was suddenly squeezed out of her for the second time that day, but this time it was completely different. This time it was from happiness.

It was ridiculous, really. Such a stupid, obvious thing, but... This was her most basic insecurity after all. The one that got resurfaced by the thought of her parents and their horrible remarks about her when they first found out...

But she felt like a girl. She looked like a girl. She _was_ a girl. That was why Ohno wanted to paint her. He didn't feel confident with painting men but he saw no such problem with her. It was so simple.

“Thank you. But maybe another time,” she responded wistfully once she could actually make her voice work again.

Not really. She had no intention of intruding upon this connection that the two men that were obviously more than fond of each other shared. But just having heard that Ohno thought of her as someone most worthy to be the second person he painted was more than enough.

And what do you know: even as she sniffled and struggled to not start crying again, she felt quite soothed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only technically on Sunday again but that's okay considering I skipped last one... Also a longer chapter than usual maybe makes up for that a bit, as well as the content of it >)

# Chapter 9

There was no question about whether or not the visit at Ohno's helped calm and distract Shouko. However, by the time they left the eccentric artist's little “house of art” it was already quite late. Thus it was no wonder that after they had returned and she got to finally change into her regular clothes, Ninomiya offered to drive her home. And, honestly, after the shock that she got today, she thought she deserved to be spoiled a little and thus she ended up agreeing to that.

Which led to her, obviously, inviting him upstairs politely to drink a cup of tea together once they got to her apartment, and him accepting. And now here they were: Shouko unlocking her door and letting him in and suddenly remembering, _again,_ why exactly she didn't want to have guests over (not that there were usually many volunteers).

“Ah, I'm so sorry for the mess,” she blushed, quickly kicking off her shoes and rushing inside to hopefully scoop up most of the obvious mess and hide it somewhere before he managed to catch a proper sight of it. It was even worse than when he had come inside on Monday, which was saying a whole lot. And it was absolutely useless to try and tidy it up fast, no matter how much she might have wanted to, which meant that a few seconds later he was already standing inside with a huge grin on his face as he held up a bra that he just found hanging over the back of a chair. She blushed even harder and grabbed it from his hand, glaring at him with a pout.

“So what?” she said defensively, “I happen to like to chuck my bra as far away from me as possible the moment I come back home. You have no idea how uncomfortable these things get after a while,” she grumbled, hiding it in a pile of other clothes that she piled up in one place now.

“Oh really?” he asked, obviously amused.

“Yes, really!” she hissed, her embarrassment making her more than a tiny bit irritable.

“Then why don't you do that right now, mm? I wouldn't mind?” he suggested and she rolled her eyes. By now she was well aware that he only said these things to make her blush and not because he actually expected her to listen.

“Pervert,” she muttered, causing him to laugh out loud while she gave up on improving the condition of her apartment and instead went to make some of the promised tea, “Just sit wherever you want.”

He did, somewhere on the loveseat on the opposite side of the room from the tiny kitchen bar that she was busying herself at, looking at her in silence and giving her the opportunity to think that she now required. There was another reason why she invited him over today, other than sheer politeness or a desire to spend some private time with her boyfriend again for once. After it turned obvious he now knew her situation with her family, there was a feeling between them that it was time for her to just tell him everything else that he was no doubt a little curious about. A feeling that she hadn't discouraged because while she knew she didn't owe him any of it, of course, she sort of... wanted to tell him by now on her own. And he obviously wanted to be told.

But even if she wanted it, it didn't change the fact that opening up to someone this much was a big deal for her. He already knew about her more than pretty much anyone had before and it was both liberating and frightening. Liberating because he still accepted her as she was and liked her and thus she felt free to just be herself around him. But frightening because of the knowledge that he now had enough information to hurt her more than anyone else if he were to ever change his mind about how he felt about her. And that's where the trust came in – the trust that she had to _force_ herself to feel as it didn't come to her naturally at all because of her previous experiences with people.

So she was understandably nervous when she brought back the two mugs filled with tea with her as she joined her guest in the living-room corner, sitting down on the other side of the loveseat insecurely. There was still a fair amount of space between them like that and she was glad to see he didn't close it. Apparently he understood her need to have a clear mind as she made her decision, and his touches were known for ruining that quite a bit. They both sipped their tea in unison and the slightly tense silence stretched while she struggled to figure out how to even start this without sounding too presumptuous about how much he wanted to know about her.

“You know,” he was the one to speak up first after all, “One of the first things I noticed about you? Most first time servants or visitors in the mansion do nothing but stare around them in wonder at all the grandeur around them for their first few days or even weeks. You were far more impressed with my music,” he chuckled, “Of course, later I realized it was simply because you have most likely lived in just as rich an environment yourself, but at the time I was quite flattered.”

That caused her to smile shyly and glance up at him.

“Your music would have caught my attention in any case,” she reassured him sincerely and then looked back at the brownish liquid in her mug, her hands clasped around is as if she was cold and trying to warm them up, “But obviously you're right, you know that. The Sakurazawa mansion isn't all that different from yours so I was hardly surprised, even though it's been a while since I lived there. But you know that too if you remember when the whole disowning thing took place...”

Her voice trembled and broke and she had to close her eyes and take a few deep breaths. He reached out and put a hand on her knee supportively, which she immediately covered with her own and grasped strongly.

“You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to,” he whispered, but she shook her head, swallowed and re-opened her eyes with determination.

“They actually disowned me only two years after I actually had to leave home however,” she revealed, looking around her flat that had been her home for the last five and a half years, but then took another deep breath and made herself start from the beginning.

“I am pretty lucky, I think, as far as people like me go these days,” she finally spoke steadily, “I figured out my feelings about this... well, to be honest, I don't know how early it is compared to others. I was around eleven when I realized I was not satisfied as a boy. By the time I was thirteen, I also knew what I wanted to _do_ about it and, fortunately, I had the means for that. My family being as rich as it was, getting the finances was a piece of cake. The biggest problem was actually getting what I needed without my parents figuring it out but... I have a cousin. Six years older than me, he was already a medical student at the time and we were as close as we could have been with the age gap. I knew he was gay so I had hopes he would be understanding about my own situation and wouldn't just dismiss it as nonsense or just some “phase”. I was right. He actually got me in contact with proper doctors in secret and after that... Well, money goes a long way. It was difficult hiding it all, but I had a couple of good friends at school who covered for me when needed no questions asked and when it came to yearly physical checks I always would pretend to just be too shy and accidentally would mention I have money to spare. Somehow, it worked for quite a while.”

“Or well, almost three years to be exact,” she breathed out, putting her mug on the table in front of her as she was afraid she might spill it otherwise with how unsteady she felt, “I don't know how I made it that long, to be honest, with how mentally and physically exhausting it was. Getting these,” she pointed at her chest, “to grow only to have to bind and hide them again. Pretending that yes _of course_ I had to shave my face and dodging suspicions when my voice didn't start changing properly. Physical education was hell. Starting that early meant the transition was more thorough, but also harder to hide. It was no wonder that my parents finally caught up with what was happening before my sixteenth birthday and, after realizing that I had no intention of changing my mind and a huge argument they threw me out. Just like that. Not unexpectedly – I always knew that that would happen once I was found out. Only they couldn't throw me out completely or they'd be charged with child neglect so they got me this apartment and gave me a proper monthly allowance with an order to stay out of their sight for the rest of their lives. I had also been putting some money to the side in preparation for a while so I was able to live off that, especially if I also got some part time jobs here or there whenever I could. And when I turned eighteen the official disinheritance came. Although they continue to give me a smaller allowance each month to this day – probably because they're afraid I might reappear in their lives and _ask_ for something otherwise. I might be seen by someone then, after all. That money is enough for my hormone treatment but I need a job for all my living expenses...”

She stopped talking then, suddenly, the things that she had wanted to say running out abruptly. That was his cue to finally _do_ close the distance between them and he shifted closer to her until their sides were pressed together and he could put a hand around her very tense form. She leaned into it, but still couldn't allow the tension to disappear from her body in fear that if it did, she might start crying.

“Thank you for trusting me with that,” he whispered softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. She nodded in acknowledgment, not trusting her voice again yet, and allowed him to embrace her tightly.

“I haven't seen them since then... since I was sixteen,” she said and then sighed, “I'm sorry. You and Ohno-kun had done such a great job distracting and cheering me up earlier and now I'm back to this...”

“That is nothing to apologize for,” Nino interrupted her immediately “You spoke about this to satisfy _my_ curiosity more than anything else after all. And it just means I'll have to distract you again,” he said, somehow managing to make it sound suggestive and that was already pretty distracting in itself, making her blush and withdraw a tiny bit so she could reach for her tea again.

“Well... you can try, I guess,” she said, drinking her by now slightly cooled tea, somehow feeling as if she was giving permission to something quite important.

“Oh?” Nino arched an eyebrow and turned to face her with his whole body, “Does that imply I am allowed to use any means possible?” he asked, leaning in closer to her as she nervously gulped down the contents of her mug until it was empty and she had no choice but to put it away again.

“Maybe?” she responded unsurely and that was apparently all he needed before he put a hand on her shoulder gently to brace himself and leaned in completely.

Despite what she might have thought, he kissed her languidly and unassumingly, slowly getting her to open up and respond while his tongue got reacquainted with her warm mouth. Her hands soon found their way under his arms and up his back until she could cling with them to his shoulders, pressing her body more against his. In the end, it was actually _her_ who turned the kiss more passionate, desperate for something that would just make her _stop thinking_ as thoughts of the subject of their conversation threatened to come back to the forefront of her mind. She overtook him in their dance of tongues and thrust her own into his mouth, soon sucking and nibbling on his upper lips and letting the pleasurable motions distract her and carry her away into a better place. A place where people who couldn't accept her didn't matter and she had someone who liked her for who she was and was not afraid to show it.

It was no wonder that, with the make-out session escalating, they didn't even realize before she was sitting half on his lap and his hand, which had previously rested on her jean-clad ass, slowly traveled upwards, crumpling the light material of her loose blouse and brushing over the soft skin underneath. She shivered, but didn't protest. Instead she gasped in pleasure into their kiss, breaking it accidentally and leaving his lips free to slide over her jaw and to her neck while her face instinctively tilted upwards to give him better access as she breathed quickly. Both of his hands were now under her blouse, stroking her side, going higher until his thumbs were following the contours of her ribs and soon she was losing track of every little thing that was happening, instead only knowing that this felt _good._

“Is this okay, Shouko-chan?” her boyfriend breathed out against her neck, which was wet from his earlier ministrations, and it made yet another shiver run down her spine. She nodded her head, somehow realizing what he meant and wasn't surprised when he next tugged at her bra, pulling it up but not unclasping it. Her ample breasts bounced a little as they got freed from their cloth-prison and she would have tried to bury her face in his neck from embarrassment as he cupped them gently had his lips not still been attached to her own neck, suckling and licking.

There was no need to even mention that this was all new to her – he had been her first _kiss_ just a few days ago, after all. But honestly, she was a mature woman and she felt more than ready for this, willing and _wanting_ to give him more if he wished for it. Her whole body seemed to be covered in goosebumps and she let out a few small whimpers of pleasure as he started playing with her breasts and nipples, the unfamiliar sensations making her dizzy. Noone had touched them before, noone had wanted, and now Nino was groping them like they were something he revered the most in the world. It was intoxicating. She couldn't even begin to think of how she would be able to respond to all this, what she could do in return...

“This was very much worth the wait... even if you didn't let me fall onto them,” Nino muttered cheekily, bringing some normalcy back into the situation and yet... he didn't sound completely normal, like his wit was leaving him in this situation. And soon Shouko found the possible reason for it, as she gasped and moved on his lap only to accidentally feel the bulge forming in his pants. Immediately, she flushed, both flattered (or reassured) and embarrassed at the discovery while he seemed to freeze for a moment.

“Sorry,” he muttered then, “Don't worry about that. It's just that you're so...” his voice trembled and trailed off and she glanced downwards only to realize that he was blushing quite hard himself right then. Nino. _This_ Nino. Was blushing because she had found out he got hard for her. Despite her own nervousness (or maybe _because_ of it), Shouko found herself giggling a little.

“You're embarrassed?” she asked, feeling emboldened by that fact and now on purpose shifting so her leg gently pressed against his groin. He hissed and grew even redder. Now she was the one to start planting kisses on his jawline and side of his face, “I never thought you'd be embarrassed by something like this. But it's okay, you know?”

“That's not... it,” he protested weakly, his hands squeezing her boobs once as if to regain some stand in this situation, “I just... Didn't plan on this. Wanted to give you all the time you needed. So really, don't pay attention to it and...”

“But what if I _want_ to?” she asked, surprising even herself. But again... she was a mature, adult woman. It wasn't as if she had no idea what she was getting herself into or like she had never fantasized about something like this. Without allowing herself enough time to change her mind, her hand slowly slid down the front of his body until she was cupping him not unlike how he was cupping her breasts. He hissed again and she glanced at him insecurely, to ask him if this was okay and was met with glazed over, desire-filled eyes. Then his hands slipped down to stay on her waist. That was enough of an answer to her as she started moving the hand slowly, rubbing over the bulge. He let out a tiny mewl and shivered slightly.

“If... if you're just going to tease me then...” he started, but she just smiled and leaned in to peck on his lips again, shutting him up.

“I intend to do more than just teasing,” she reassured him with more confidence than she actually felt and then shifted off his lap a little for a more comfortable position. It was obvious she didn't quite know where exactly she was going with this, but she trusted her instincts to guide her as she went along and he wasn't stopping or questioning her anymore, just allowing her to do what she wanted.

Timidly, she reached for the zipper of his tight pants and pulled it down before undoing the button. That allowed her to see his dark gray boxers but not much access so she pulled the lapels of the pants further open until she could reach in. Taking a deep breath, but more curious than apprehensive, she slipped a hand into his underwear, feeling his member for the first time.

“So hot,” she yelped before she could stop the words from escaping her mouth and, although rather breathlessly, Nino chuckled.

“Yes. And that's all for you,” he muttered into her ear, apparently regaining his usual self-confidence now that he knew she intended to go through with this on her own will. Blushing and biting her lips, Shouko pulled the boxers down as well, finally freeing his erection, and barely managed to stifle a small gasp. He was... really well endowed. Not that she had much to compare to (she was quite small herself, partly because of the hormones and how early she had started taking them), but she knew enough to be sure that he was above average. Not that she minded. In fact, it... excited her a little for some reason.

Shouko wrapped her fingers around his cock then and gave an experimental stroke, to which he moaned unrestrainedly, as if to encourage her. Well... she knew how _this_ worked at least. She was quite familiar with her own hand and what it was capable of. A couple more strokes up and down the swollen length from which she couldn't tear her eyes off and she started a tentative rhythm. They both shifted again, her hand not once stilling as they did, so she could grip him more comfortably and they could still be as close to each other as possible.

“That... feels really good,” he groaned, now bucking his hips upwards a bit and she thus quickened her hand, as well as tightened it around his cock until he was responding to it even more obviously and she could swear she could feel his dick pulsating as the blood was pumped into it. His hands weren't idle either, stroking her skin, sometimes lifting higher to fondle her chest more or even pinch her nipples which made her gasps join in with his.

“Can you... a little... faster,” he grunted out next, his face close to her ear as he had been busy sucking on her earlobe just a second earlier, “I... don't think I'll last much... It's... been a while,” he admitted and she gladly did as he asked, her pace increasing together with both of their moans. Droplets of precum were now trickling from the head of his member, slicking up her stroking as she still stared, rather mesmerized. He was obviously nearing the edge, his penis twitching in her hand a little as his fingers started digging into her skin almost painfully but rather erotically.

Then suddenly, he grunted even louder and came, his cum spurting out of his cock under her unwavering gaze, covering her hand while she continued stroking him through it until the tremors and convulsions stopped completely and he sought out her lips frantically, kissing the air out of her lungs.

“Do you...” he gasped once they withdrew from each other again, panting for a bit and then starting once more, “Can I... do it for you... now?” he offered, but she immediately jerked away.

“No!” she exclaimed and then blushed immediately because of her outburst. He was looking at her still rather surprised, “I'm okay,” she reassured him in a rush, “Maybe some other time,” she added as she looked around for a box of tissues that she usually had somewhere around the living room area. Spotting it, she quickly wiped her hand and then returned to him, cleaning him up as well.

“If you're sure?” he asked, sounding a little worried, but she nodded determinedly although refusing to meet his eyes.

“I just need... a little more time for it. That's all,” she explained.

She knew that he _knew,_ of course. Of course he had to be aware of why exactly she was unwilling to have the favor returned. It was true that she didn't really feel a _need_ for it – she got enough pleasure and felt satisfied enough just from doing it for _him_. But the main reason was that she was still afraid. That even though he theoretically knew the truth, it would be too much for him when he saw and he'd end up being disgusted and leaving her after all. It was absurd and unreasonable, she knew he had proven himself by now, but she simply couldn't help it.

Maybe... maybe next time.

“If you say so,” he accepted finally, probably understanding that pushing her was not the right course of action. She smiled in gratitude and finally looked up, quickly pecking him on the cheek, “And if you want to,” he continued then, quickly tucking himself away and straightening out his pants, “I can continue distracting you in a little bit... Just let me recover, because that was amazing.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the far too long wait for this. Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter :)  
> I've decided to separate this fic into parts, btw, and the ending of the first part will be in two more chapters after which I plan to get another fic of mine done.

# Chapter 10

“Did everyone understand their duties for tonight?”

Shouko's voice joined the affirmative chorus of the other servants of the household as she nodded her head at the steward while nervously glancing at the stern-looking woman that was standing behind the elderly man, observing the happenings. It was the first time she was standing in front of the lady of the house, even though she was among all the other maids and not alone, and it made her nervousness spike even higher than it had been at before.

It was finally Monday, and all Shouko could do was be thankful for the fact that Fujita-san knew about her circumstances and was so understanding. Of course, it was never stated between them explicitly that it was Shouko's parents who were coming to visit, but the old steward had implied that he knew it. Which wasn't surprising since he was aware of her situation in general and, as Nino had pointed out, Shouko had never put much effort into changing her name a lot from the original.

This meant the elderly man made sure that Shouko's own duties for the evening were as sparse and far away from the main event as possible. Of course she would not be able to avoid meeting the guests completely, but the time she would have to spend in their presence was reduced to a bare minimum – greeting them and serving some of the meals, perhaps. After all, as Nino explained when they had discussed this evening between them, the whole reason Mrs. Ninomiya even demanded all the servants to be present in the first place was so she could show off the magnitude of her household to their visitors. The families might be allies in the political scene but that didn't mean they would want to miss a chance to compete in riches and prestige. Nino had shuddered in disgust as he said that, but Shouko was too preoccupied with thinking about what this meant for her to spend too much time on judging her employers or her ex-family for their vanity.

“You are the new girl, then?” Shouko was suddenly roused from her thoughts as Nino's mother approached her after everyone was dismissed to get ready for the arrival of the guests, although all preparations were already finished. So much for hoping that she wouldn't be singled out then. Shouko nodded as humbly as she could, trying not to panic and telling herself that there was no reason for the mistress of the house to suspect anything out of place unless Shouko herself started acting suspiciously.

“Yes Ma'am,” She curtseyed quickly, “I've been working here for a few weeks now. I'm very happy to have been given the opportunity to do so,” she tried for a little bit of flattery and it seemed to work as the older woman inclined her head in approval.

“I'm sure,” was the curt comment Shouko received before the woman lost interest in her and left the maid to sigh, silently, in relief. Some of the other girls that she got along with gave her a few small smiles, quietly congratulating her on passing the woman's inspection even though none of them were aware of the reasons why such a deed was much harder for Shouko than it had been for any of _them_. Still, Shouko was very touched by the support, considering she never really spent enough time socializing with them to earn such care. Perhaps, if she survived this evening, it would be a good idea to rectify that.

If.

There were only fifteen minutes left until the guests were expected to arrive, Shouko realized as she glanced at the clock. Some of the girls used the time to check on some things, especially their appearance, but Shouko didn't have to. She had spent an even bigger than usual amount of time on making sure she looked fine before already – despite being sure that her parents would not recognize her anyway, she had used even more make-up than was the norm for her just to make herself look even more different from the person that they had known as their son. Fortunately, no one thought it to be weird as they just assumed she was trying to look better for the important guests.

So, instead of worrying about her appearance any more, Shouko was preoccupied with observing the family she served. The kimono-wearing woman that had inspected her previously was now standing in front of her husband, saying something too quiet to hear as she straightened his tie with a dissatisfied frown on her face. The man, whom Shouko hadn't met before today either, looked a bit cowed and very compliant, leaving no doubt over who had the last word in the family.

The daughter was also already present, clad in a pretty, appropriate dress. But before Shouko could examine it more closely, her attention got completely overtaken by the last member of the family who chose that moment to join them.

She had agreed with Nino yesterday that it was better for them to not interact at all in front of his family or the other servants, so she was not surprised when he didn't as much as glance in her direction. He had made a point to assure her this was not because he was embarrassed by their relationship, but rather just to avoid having to deal with troublesome reactions and, as well, to not draw any extra attention to her that she wanted to avoid. Fortunately, after the evening in the club, she no longer even needed such reassurances. She knew he truly accepted her completely and didn't give a damn what others thought of it. So really, she would have suggested the same had he not brought it up first.

However, she was under lesser restrictions than him, so there was nothing stopping _her_ from looking at _him_ as much as she wanted to. Other maids were doing the same after all.

To her slight disappointment, as she had wanted to see him in a suit, unlike his father he wasn’t wearing one. Neither was he wearing some traditional form of formal garb like his mother. Instead, his wear was more casual, although still very sharp and respectable and, as he descended the grand stairs into the lobby, Shouko couldn't help but think he looked almost prince-like. He certainly was handsome enough to have her heart start beating faster just at the sight of him.

Only not _everyone_ around was as charmed by his appearance as she was. Some hushed whispers started among the maids. Perhaps just some oohing and sighing over the mesmerizing man who, they thought, was so beyond a reach of a mere maid like them. But most likely the silent conversations were caused by the rather sour expression that appeared on the family's matron's face when she saw her son.

“Kazunari, what is the meaning of this?” her voice and discontentment in it was loud and clear for everyone to hear, “Where is the suit that I bought for you for this very occasion?”

Nino casually went down the last few steps, looking relaxed as if he didn't have his mother's dangerous ire about to blow up at him.

“I don't like suits, mother, you know that,” he answered dismissively, visibly further deepening the woman's displeasure at his attitude, “It's not like we're hosting a reception for the emperor. It's just a couple of your conservative, old-fashioned associates with their heads up their asses. My clothes are just fine.“

The temperature in the house seemingly suddenly lowered by at least ten degrees as all blood drained from the face of the mistress of the house. Even her husband backed away from her side by a step as if trying to get out of the path of the crossfire, and Nino's sister's lips thinned as she seemed to disapprove of her brother provoking their mother, even if the younger female from the Ninomiya family didn't really disagree with Nino's sentiments per se. The person that caused the entire commotion, however, didn't as much as glance at the angered woman and simply strolled closer to others.

“ _How_ dare _you talk in such a way about!-”_ she started furiously, but Nino didn't let her finish.

“Mother,” he intoned abruptly, finally raising his eyes to pin her down with his unwavering gaze, “May I remind you that I told you clearly that I have no wish to be here. But you asked me to, _insistingly_ , so here I am. But if you are determined to raise a fuss over my attire which, I must note, is perfectly appropriate anyway, then I can just leave.”

Uncomfortable silence fell at Nino's ultimatum and one could practically see the battle raging inside the mother. She obviously felt insulted that he would challenge her authority in such a way, whether he was right about his clothes or not, but she also clearly wanted to present her family as a whole to her guests. But if Shouko could read her boyfriend in any way, then he obviously believed that he already knew what would be more important to her.

“Fine, you ungrateful child,” she near-spat at him before swirling around to face the door, demonstratively turning her back on him. Shouko let out the breath she hadn't noticed she had been holding. Although she knew that the relationship between the two was strained even at the best of times, she hated having to witness it. Especially when she felt partially at fault for it. Not only was it _her_ parents that were visiting, but she and Nino had spoken about this as well. He had mentioned that he usually just wouldn't show up to things like this, no matter how much his mother would order it. But this time he had wanted to be there. For _her._ Just in case.

The heavy atmosphere only thickened as seconds ticked by, the only people seemingly not getting strangled by it being Nino and his sister who was now standing next to him although Shouko hadn't even noticed her approaching. The girl pinched him under the elbow in an apparent expression of how “grateful” she was that Nino put their mother in a foul mood before the evening had even begun. This actually caused the corners of Shouko's lips to twitch a bit in amusement at the interaction, especially when the glare her boyfriend threw at Ms. Ninomiya for it was easily countered by one of the older girl's own. Nino then rolled his eyes at his sister and the exchange was over, the understanding between the siblings visible even at this distance. 

Shouko was also apparently the only one who had observed this. Mrs. Ninomiya was still purposefully looking away and, with the last minutes ticking by fast, the maids were already taking their places on either side of the entrance. Shouko only just hurried to join theim when Fujita-san returned from wherever it was he had gone off to to already announce the arriving guests.

“Mr. and Mrs. Sakurazawa,” he stated, opening the double door gallantly and letting the couple through.

Shouko's heart skipped a beat.

She was almost afraid to look, but her gaze still traveled upwards with some curiosity. They had not changed at all. Her father's hands were the same as the time when he had patted her on the back for getting into the most prestigious high-school at the top of the list. Her mother's face was the same as when it had been twisted in shame when Shouko threw one last look behind her as she left their house, knowing she would never come back.

Shouko was so consumed with her thoughts and with trying to deal away with the onslaught of memories she had naively thought she was ready for that she completely missed the exchange of greetings between the families. By the time she got a grip on herself again, the guests had already given away their coats and were walking into the house whilst chatting with their hosts about the usual pleasantries while all the maids bowed to them politely as they passed. Shouko, still feeling a bit shaken, did so herself only to have the procession of people halt right in front of her. She froze, afraid to lift her face back up. Did they, after all, recognize...?

“Ah, silly me, I forgot to take off my shawl,” she heard her mother's voice once she actually realized she should pay attention, “ _You_ , be a dear and put it away for me, would you?”

A blur of plum-colored material was suddenly thrust into her view and Shouko numbly reached out to take it.

“Yes ma'am,” she bowed further, her own voice sounding distant to her ears.

-

Shouko had quite some time to compose herself again after the guests had arrived. The order had been for _all_ of the maids to take turns serving the guests and the Ninomiya family at the table, but Fujita-san, with his usual fore-thought, had given her the task of bringing the tea and dessert, which made sure she didn't have to face her parents again until the near end of the evening.

By the time she stepped into the dining room, bringing the trays together with another maid, the atmosphere in the room was a little strained. Shouko had already heard the other maids whispering that the mistress must by now regret insisting that her son attended the dinner, as Nino took every opportunity he could to twist the conversation so he cold deliver thinly veiled insults and sarcastic comments to the couple visiting. Some, who had been serving the family for longer, had revealed that this wasn't at all unusual for the young man. But even _they_ noted that this time he was unusually into it, and wondered about the reason for it.

Shouko had stayed quiet, even though she was sure she could provide the gossiping women with an answer.

“Ah, here we go,” Mrs. Ninomiya exclaimed when the maids walked in, seemingly glad for the distraction, “You'll love this, Yoko-san. The cherry pie is our cook's specialty and I asked him to make it especially on this occasion,” she explained as Shouko placed the small plates with generous slices of the dessert in front of each person at the table, relieved to see that her hands didn't tremble too obviously even as she did it for her own parents. She was incredibly tense, however, and at least for Nino it was apparently quite obvious. He comfortingly brushed his hand against her side obscurely when she was next to him.

“I am sure I will, Kazuko-san,” Shouko's mother answered, playing along, “The food so far was marvelous. All of your servants seem to be really good at what they do,” she further complimented the household, giving its mistress an opportunity to explore and brag about the subject.

“Yes, we are careful to hire only the best. Even our maids have to meet high requirements before they are considered,” she spoke up, and Shouko immediately tensed up with a bad feeling starting to well up in her gut. And she was right to feel that way as, in a moment, her employer's attention fixated on her, “This girl, for example, is even a student at Keio, isn't that right?” Nino's mother said, gesturing at her and Shouko was forced into the center of attention, trying to keep her face as low as possibly while still remaining polite.

“Yes, ma'am,” she answered weakly, trying to rush with her duty now as she just wanted to leave the room as fast as possible.

“Is that so?” Shouko's mother now showed some interest too, “Our son is hoping to get into Keio when he graduates high-school as well. We have very high hopes for him.”

Shouko couldn't even appreciate the small amount of information she got about her brother before Nino suddenly joined the conversation.

“You sure sound proud of him,” he commented innocently and Shouko's father's chest immediately puffed out.

“Of course. He is a very clever young man with an assured, bright future ahead of him,” he said pridefully and, judging from Nino's small smile, walking right into Shouko's boyfriend's trap.

“I understand. After all, what else would normal, _good_ parents even want for their children other than to be happy and successful?” he asked rhetorically, but very pointedly. Shouko's parents weren't getting it yet, though, nodding agreeably, “What else could be important? Even more, one could say that as long as their children are following their hearts and living the life they chose for themselves, then any _decent_ parents should be happy for them, isn't that true?”

The smiles on the faces of the Sakurazawa couple froze at that point, no doubt the words clicking in their minds and making them realize that Nino's animosity towards them hadn't just suddenly decreased. In fact, Shouko was sure that the two were now wondering if Nino knew the exact nature of their shameful secret, and if he did, then _how_?

“Kazunari, what are you trying to get at?” Mrs. Ninomiya intervened then, obviously recognizing her guests' distress even though she didn't know the reason for it, “If you don't have anything of-”

“It's nothing, mother,” Nino interrupted without missing a beat, “Nothing at all.”

But his eyes were still drilling into the guest couple knowingly.

At least the attention was definitely off of Shouko by then. She almost ran out of the dining room as soon as she saw the opportunity, trying to find a place out of everyone's sight instead of rejoining the other maids as she was supposed to. She did not wish to know how the conversation continued, or if it did at all. She wanted to forget any of it ever happened.

She understood that in a way, she should be thankful to Nino. For the fact that he apparently cared about her so much that he simply couldn't stay quiet and not confront her parents for what they had done to her in his own way. But it hurt. Even being in their presence hurt. And having her own presence brought to their attention especially... She just wanted to go home, and yet she was afraid she was too shaky, too upset to brave the journey through the dark city alone tonight.

There were already tears prickling at the corners of her eyes.

Aware of just how much potential for a mess there was if she cried with how much make-up she was wearing, Shouko scrambled in her pockets for a tissue or a napkin but came up with nothing but a folded piece of paper that she could not remember putting into them. Feeling a bit confused and distracted as she took it out, she suddenly had a flash of memory of Nino's hands brushing against her side earlier.

She unfolded it with slightly trembling hands and was not really surprised anymore to see a note. And even just seeing his writing, so obviously filled with care and worry for her, made her calm down and smile serenely.

_ Come to my room after it's over. I'll drive you home.  _

_ Nino _

They say that people can tell you they love you in a multitude of different ways. Shouko felt like she had just been confessed to.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it - the second to last chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it although it was a bit of a struggle for me to write it up...

# Chapter 11

Despite knowing that Nino was waiting for her, Shouko found herself offering help with cleaning up to the manor staff. Partly because she felt guilty for being mostly useless earlier that night while the other maids did most of the work. But also partly because she wasn't sure she was ready to face him when her head was bursting with thoughts and confusion.

But all the plates eventually got washed and the tablecloths were put away to laundry and thus Shouko changed her clothes and got ready to leave as well. She took a familiar trip up the stairs and winced when she heard a door slam, the sound coming from the hallway that led to Nino's room, and then hurried, angry steps as Ninomiya Kazuko strode past her to the other end of the mansion, not giving the out-of-place maid any attention.

Shouko could guess what the other woman's mood was all about, but when she finally reached her boyfriend's door, the voice that answered her soft knock was surprisingly calm and collected, not betraying any frustration at all.

“Come in.”

Shouko opened the door timidly, not even really able to look at him once she entered the room. From shame, from guilt...

“Hey,” Nino immediately intoned gently, taking the few steps that separated them and cupped her cheeks with his hands, trying to get her to look up, “Why is it that I can't see your pretty face properly? What's wrong, Choko-chan? It's over now, they're gone. It will be fine now...”

There must have been something between her body feeling like it could finally let go the tension inside in his presence and his caring voice that finally made her break down. The safety of his arms was immediately surrounding her as the first tears started falling and her sobs were muffled by his shoulder and he stroked over her back comfortingly.

“I'm sorry,” she finally pressed out after a while of just letting it all flow out of her and once she was a bit calmer again.

“What for?” Nino's voice sounded genuinely confused.

“For... For the fact that this got your mother angry at you. For the fact that you had to go through it because of my parents. For... for ruining your shirt again,” she recited, her chest filling with more and more self-resentment with each word. But then there were hands gripping her upper arms, pushing her slightly away simply so that Nino could look her in the eyes.

“Shouko,” he stated very seriously, “ _None_ of that is your fault. Okay? _None_ of it. And even if it somehow were, I would still gladly deal with it for you. Now, I'm going to change very quickly while you wash your face, and then we'll go to your home where we'll get some hot cocoa into you and you'll feel more comfortable and we can deal with this better. How does that sound to you?”

It sounded like more than she ever deserved. But she still ended up nodding her head.

The trip to her apartment was mostly spent in silence as both of them wanted to wait for a warmer and cozier atmosphere before they tackled the serious subjects. The radio was on, the volume low, and Shouko's fingers nervously fiddled with the handkerchief he had handed to her when it became apparent that her tears just refused to stop completely. At least, with a car and with how comparatively empty the streets were at the late hour, it didn't take them long to reach their destination.

For once, Shouko didn't even bother _trying_ to care about the fact that her apartment was messy. He had to be used to it by now anyway.

“Just sit down, okay? I'll take care of making us something,” Nino urged her once their shoes and jackets were off and she tiptoed to the loveseat, bringing her sock-clad feet up. She sniffled while he busied himself in her tiny kitchen, filling the small room with the sweet smell of the promised beverage before he returned to her side, handing one of the big, steaming mugs over. She sipped it carefully, and sighed, relaxing a bit more, when the chocolate-y taste touched her tongue. Seeing this, her boyfriend smiled, satisfied, and made himself just as comfortable beside her. But he didn't speak, obviously leaving it up to her to bring up what was bothering her. But there was so much to choose from...

“I guess,” she spoke up, finally deciding on a starting point, “A small part of me... a naïve, childish part that still believes something _good_ might somehow come from it, actually hoped they _would_ recognize me,” she confessed, letting a laugh with absolutely no humor in it escape her lips at her own silliness, “But I only realized it after my mother so easily dismissed me even after coming face to face with me.”

There was a moment of thoughtful silence and then Nino shifted so he could press his side to hers supportively.

“That's understandable,” he responded then in a low voice, “It's human nature to seek approval from our parents. But the way I see it... they've given up on their right to _be_ your parents. I know it hurts, but clinging to them in such a way will hurt you even more in the long term. Because they'll continue to disappoint in ways far deeper and more unjustified than they think you've disappointed _them_. So you don't have to feel responsible for the things that they do anymore and that's why you shouldn't apologize to me for the fact that I had to go through meeting them. They're separate people who don't have any hold over you.”

Shouko just curled up more onto herself, Almost a physical pain piercing her chest as the reality of his words hit her.

“They still support me financially,” she argued feebly but he instantly shook his head.

“That is not support. Those are bribes,” he stated strongly, making her wince back a little, “They're bribing you to not reveal what they view to be their shameful secret to the world. To stay away. Shouko-chan, you know that. You told me that yourself, just a few days ago, in this very spot,” he reminded her, lifting one hand to brush away another tear that was sliding down her cheek, “I can't possibly understand how you feel, of course. My own problems with my family seem ridiculous in comparison. So perhaps I have no place giving you advice. But I still think that... you should take this experience as a sign that it's time to let them go. As much as it hurts and is unfair, they're not changing their decision. And that means you don't owe them any love or respect or anything at all. “

He fell silent then, letting her mind absorb everything he had said so directly and not holding back. The words he had chosen were harsh and she partly indeed wanted to lash out at him, to tell him he had no right, that he couldn't _possibly_ know what it was like for her. ..

But she was struck speechless because the words reached their goal. They made her realize that, unlike she had thought, she had not yet moved on. The fact that she wanted to tell him he was wrong was proof enough. Because he wasn't. He was absolutely right. She had to let go. And that was a lot to take in.

And yet, the thing that surprised her the most was that despite the shocking realization, her thoughts still strayed away to other subjects. More precisely – to the guilt. To feeling inadequate and needy and forcing Nino to take care of her now. To the fact that the young man would have never thought twice about the visitors his family entertained today if it weren't for him being involved with _her_.

To the realization that her parents were the sort of company that a Ninomiya heir would be expected to keep, and if she was almost the opposite of them... Her relationship with Nino would put an incredible strife in his family if it were to be discovered.

She was not worth that.

The thought was persistent, not letting go once it struck. Without even noticing it in her thoughtful silence, she shifted a little away from Nino's welcoming arms, staring at the brownish liquid in her mug as her mind became further centred on the thought. She shouldn't be so selfish. Nino was kind and easily looked past things that other men would never accept. It was unlikely she would ever find someone else like him. But it was no doubt that his relationship to her would never bring anything but trouble into the man's own life. Who was she to repay his kindness by bringing further strain to his family?

“Be it as it may,” she finally spoke up again, now having completely convinced herself, “As much as I should now work on accepting the fact that my family is no longer mine... It doesn't mean _your_ life should suffer because of me too,” she said, her voice trembling a little as she made herself look up at her boyfriend with hollow eyes. He looked a little startled, apparently finding the weird change of subject unexpected.

“My life only got better after you entered it, not worse,” he responded immediately however, not needing to think about it as if the answer came naturally to him. But he was, she realized as she shook her head sorrowfully, as much in denial as she had been.

“That's not true, and you know it,” she said determinedly, “You're always getting stuck with taking care of me. Your whole evening – and days previous to it too, really, – has been ruined by something you wouldn't have even payed attention to if it weren't for me. Your behavior at the table, which angered your mother so strongly, was influenced by your knowledge of me and...”

“So you think I'd be better off being ignorant of it and acting friendly with such people although they deserve nothing of the sort?” He didn't seem angered, yet, but he definitely didn't seem pleased either as he straightened his back.

“I think your life would be less complicated, yes,” she shot back quickly, “Aside for making me feel supported, it's not like you can change anything by it, so isn't it better to just not get into something so troublesome?”

“Why can't supporting you be reason enough?”

“Because I'm not worth it!” she half-exclaimed, revealing her actual thoughts. Her voice which had, like his, progressively got louder as the argument went on, broke at the end of the sentence, “Because this is not going anywhere,” she stated then, feeling the bitterness of how truthful the words were as they left her mouth. For a few seconds there was silence again.

“Who decided that?” he asked, looking pale and almost frightfully calm.

“Noone has to. It's obvious. Your parents obviously share their views with mine. When our relationship becomes known – and it _will_ , if it continues longer – what do you think your family's reaction will be?” she asked sadly, “Do you think they would ever allow it? Their son, dating a... someone who, to their understanding, used to be a man?” she forced herself to say it directly, “Not only that, but someone who is disowned and dishonored. Some no-name freak of nature that lives in poverty? They'll stop at nothing to break us up! What's the use of continuing this relationship if its end is already predetermined?”

“You're assuming I would ever care about it,” he disagreed completely, “I'll leave that family in an instant if that's what will be needed. This is hardly the first time our opinions would clash and, by far, not the only thing in my life that might cause me to leave them behind completely.”

“But I don't want to be that cause,” she whispered, averting her eyes and sitting up properly so she could put her mug away onto the magazine table before her. She took a deep breath, trying to strengthen her resolve to go through with this, “I don't want to have it weighing on my conscience. You becoming as estranged to your family as I am to mine...”

“It wouldn't be your fault. You are not responsible for my parents' outdated ways and you are not responsible for _my_ decision. Which is what it would be if it ever happened. My decision,” he repeated, trying to reach her somehow with his now pleading words. But she was shaking her head again.

“I will not allow myself to ruin your life,” she said stubbornly, “I just don't think it's logical to continue this. I think,” she swallowed, and forced herself to look him in the eyes once more, “I think we should break-up, Ninomiya-san.”

Although she didn't stumble over the words as she feared she would, the moment the words left her mouth, she simply broke down inwardly. And although she knew it completely undetermined the strength and resolve in her very strict statement, she just couldn't help it. This hurt too much. Tears started flowing ceaselessly and she had to bury her face in her hands so he wouldn't see how pathetic she actually was. But she couldn't take the words back. At least it was done now. The worst part was over.

Or so she tried to convince herself, but the silence that crashed onto the room once she had said her part felt awful. Nino didn't move, seemingly frozen in spot, his face drained of any color and the only movement in the room was her shaking shoulders as her body was rocked by quiet sobs. But this was for the better, right? She was doing the responsible thing and...

“I think, for the sake of both of us, it would be better if we pretended you didn't say that now,” his voice tore her out of her thoughts again and she snapped her face upwards to stare at him. What was he?... Couldn't he just accept her wish now?

“D-don't make me repeat it,” she whispered brokenly, “It hurt enough to say it once-”

“Then don't try to say it again,” he said as a matter of factly, “Shouko-chan,” he sighed then, shifted closer and, after a moment of hesitation, put a gentle hand on her knee, squeezing it softly, “I don't think it's just my sense of self-importance and conceitedness that makes me believe you don't actually want us to separate. Don't think I would push myself back onto you if I felt, even for a moment, that you honestly don't want to be with me anymore. It is not my lack of respect for your feelings that mademe say I will ignore your words just now,” he spoke surprisingly calmly, considering how surprised he had been just moments ago, “You had a horrible, tiring day. You might even be in a mild state of shock. It's not unheard of to be making hasty decisions in such a situation, and I honestly can't see this as anything but that.”

It was all too tempting for Shouko to just give in, to accept Nino's reassurances and take back her words. At least until her emotions, so chaotic after the day, calmed down a bit. But...

“Even if that was true, it wouldn't change the fact that I spoke the truth as well,” she pointed out weakly and Nino sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“The only truth that exists is that my family won't be satisfied by _anyone_ I would ever choose as a partner,” he stated with complete assuredness in his words, “The girls my mother would wish me to settle down with are all from snobby families that have never worked a day in their lives, know nothing about hardships, don't have any ambition in life other than to marry into a rich family and share none of my interests. Believe me, I've been forced to meet with a few candidates. Do you really think I would be happy with someone like that?” he asked her, and she felt her lips curling into a small smile at the imagination of him trying to have a nice relationship with someone who was like he had just described.

“No. But-”

“There are no buts,” he cut her off impatiently, “Look, Shouko-chan, you're doing this because you worry about infringing on my happiness, right? But even if a miracle happened and I managed to find someone whom I like or at least tolerate well enough and who passed my family's standards... Even if there was some magical girl in the world that was able to strike that balance... she still wouldn't make me as happy as you do for one simple reason,” he explained, managing to meet her eyes before he said his last sentence, “Because I love _you_ and not anyone else.”

At first she thought she misheard. After all, a caring note and feelings implied by it was one thing, but saying it outright?... However, the way he was looking at her earnestly after his confession, waiting for some sort of reaction quickly convinced her that her ears had not just malfunctioned.

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. The mixture of feelings that overwhelmed her suddenly was simply indescribable and she felt almost faint. He smiled a little, however, and continued talking, using her momentary speechlessness.

“I'm not saying this as some sort of emotional blackmail. I'm not trying to tie you to me, to make you think it would be insensitive of you to leave me when I feel this way. Perhaps you even think me silly to say I love you when we've known each other for such a short while, but these are my real feelings. Honestly, you've captured my heart almost from the first day we've met. I just... I just want to make you understand that if you are determined to base your decision on whatever would make _me_ happier... then you couldn't be more wrong than to think my happiness depends on my family. Because it depends on you and only you. Do you understand, Shouko-chan?”

How could she not? Speechless or not, her head buzzing with shock or not, she could still discern the sincerity in his words. The voice inside her head, the one that had guided her this entire time, telling her she was undeserving and was supposed to push him away because she was supposed to feel miserable was suddenly silenced. How could she be undeserving when someone like Nino _loved_ her?

“Yes,” she finally whispered in response, “I understand...”

His face was split by a smile so elated that she immediately knew she had made the right decision. It was time for her to close the past now. To move on from her family, to let go the need of their approval. And most importantly of all – to find approval of her own self.

But with Nino beside her, she knew she was on the right track for that.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually planned to post this on the 25th, but then figured meh, most people will be too busy to care about fics on that day. So here you guys go, an early Christmas present?

# Epilogue

It took quite a bit more time spent snuggling up to Nino's reassuring chest and a re-heated mug of cocoa until all the high-strung emotions finally settled down, Shouko managed to digest all that had happened and figured out what she felt about it.

Now she finally felt relaxed. Happy, in fact. She was slightly reclined against her boyfriend, who apparently _loved_ her, and who was currently playing with a few strands of her hair that, during this whole mess, had escaped her previously carefully tied braid. It was calming. But it was also...

“It's late,” Nino finally cut the silence in a regretful tone, “You've had a long and trying day and you have lectures tomorrow, don't you? You should go sleep. It's time I went home.”

He was right but, surprisingly, she felt far too awake to be able to sleep after all the excitement and drama of the day. And besides...

“Your day was no less tiring,” she pointed out, trying not to let a blush rise to her cheeks and dye them pink as she thought about how what she was about to say could be taken, ”It's dark and... you shouldn't be driving anymore in this state. Stay?” her voice, thankfully, didn't break as she suggested it, but her fight against the blush was doomed to fail when Nino reacted by raising his eyebrow and allowing a smirk turn the corners of his lips upwards, “I just mean-”

“I know, Choco-chan,” he interrupted her, chuckling lightly, “Don't worry, I'm not imagining anything naughty,” he poked his tongue out at her before adding, just as cheekily, “Unless _you_ actually are.”

Shouko made use of her plush lips by pouting indignantly as she reached out to mock-hit him on the arm for it and then sat up, only to turn and look at him, suddenly feeling a bit playful herself as the previous sadness and despair got replaced by a weird giddiness.

“And if I am?” she asked, surprising him and making him grin and get closer to her again.

“Then for an occasion like that, maybe I really should stay. Even if your bed is not quite as great as mine,” he said, and she was so distracted by looking at his lips after the had caught her attention by smirking, that it took her half a second more than usual to react.

“What? When did you ever see my-”

She didn't finish, because the lips that she had just been admiring were suddenly pressed against hers and kissing honestly seemed far more important than figuring out if he had really somehow managed to sneak a peek of her bedroom without her knowledge. She had a fleeting thought that they really should do this more often, seeing as she could still count the kisses they had shared on the fingers of one hand. But his mouth already felt like home to her regardless, welcoming her, making her feel wanted and worshiped from the way he moved his tongue against her almost reverently. His steadying grip on her waist feeling strong and desperate like the only just-over possibility of her leaving him had affected him more than he had shown.

Without consciously even thinking about it, she moved more towards him, almost climbing onto his lap and letting her arms rest behind his neck in a loose embrace as she got more into the passionate exchange. But then the loose strands of her hair that Nino had been playing with earlier chose the moment to fall annoyingly onto her face, tickling both of their cheeks and distracting them enough that they just had to separate. Shouko glared at the offending strands as well as she could until Nino raised a hand and playfully tugged on one, making her giggle and lean away so she could just undo the whole hairdo completely.

“Now you even taste like a Choco-chan,” he commented happily as he watched her work on freeing her hair, obviously referring to the taste of hot cocoa that lingered in her mouth.

“Then you must be Choco-chan too since you taste the same as me,” she pointed out smartly, since he _had_ enjoyed the same beverage as her. However, this time he didn't have a sharp response at the ready for once. Instead, when Shouko lifted her eyes to check on her suddenly silent boyfriend, she found him staring at her fascinatedly. It took her a moment to realize he was mesmerized by her hair which she had been threading her fingers through so they'd fall over her shoulders properly now. She froze once she noticed this, however.

“So beautiful,” he whispered once he realized he had been caught admiring her and reached out to curiously stroke her hair with his own fingers. Shouko trembled, the motion feeling unexpectedly intimate and making her feel weirdly exposed. But it wasn't unpleasant, especially when he leaned in and let his lips slide along her hairline, pressing butterfly kisses to the side of her face and tucking her hair behind her ear as he did so. She tilted her head into it, feeling her pulse quicken rapidly and he had to notice this too when he slid lower, mouthing, gently, at her neck. It was then that she recognized that there was no use skirting around it.

“Let's...” she gasped, breathlessly, startling herself as she hadn't realized she was already so affected, “Let's go to the bedroom?”

Although she wasn't really sure about what this would lead to, re-situating to the bed seemed like a good idea considering how things were progressing and she expected Nino to jump on the suggestion. But he simply brushed his lips just above her collarbone one more time and then looked up at her seriously

“If you're sure?” he asked gently, “I really was just being silly, so in case you think I'm _expecting_ something...” he trailed of, making sure she knew there was no pressure. But she shook her head at his misplaced worries.

“I know,” she answered shyly, “But I think I had the sort of day that... perhaps I should get distracted from?” she smiled, batting her eyelashes in a hopefully flirty manner. Nino had to blink himself a few times before he understood the reference, but then he grinned.

“ _That_ I can definitely do,” he promised, pecking her on the lips once before standing and offering a hand to help her up too. She accepted, thankful, as she was feeling shaky for a lot of different reasons, and they made for the bedroom.

Nino stepped over the piles of books littering the floor and went around the discarded clothes and other items without commenting on the mess at all, fortunately, sparing her from embarrassment. Shouko was just grateful that she had, by coincidence, decided to change her sheets that morning. Or well, it hadn't really been a coincidence – she had just been trying to find ways of putting off leaving for work a bit longer, knowing what was waiting for her there. In any case, it was nice to not have to take care of that before they could slither onto the bed and into each others embrace.

It didn't take long for them to resume where they had left off. Frantic kisses soon led to hands wandering over bodies and it was the first time Shouko actually allowed herself to do it to Nino, to slip her tentative hands under his shirt and explore the contours of his skin. That shirt was the first to go off, but apparently Nino only felt it was fair that her blouse went next. It was just through sheer willpower that she managed to convince herself this wasn't worth blushing about as this was nothing he hadn't seen before. Not to mention she truly had nothing to feel insecure about in this area.

To her slight surprise, however, he didn't go for the obvious. His lips fluttered over her flat stomach, leaving no millimeter untouched as his hands caressed her sensitive sides, making her breath hitch and moans start forming in her throat. It was when he was back up, sucking gently at her pulse, and let his fingers start working on unzipping and unbuttoning her jeans that she started feeling a bit uncomfortable and had to stop him by softly pushing her palms against his chest. He reacted immediately, backing away a bit.

“Is it too much?” he asked worriedly and she felt warmed by the fact that he was ready to stop right then and there without half a complaint if she were to ask him to, even though he was obviously very much into it. Fortunately, she shook her head.

“No, I just need to... I mean...” she flushed brightly suddenly averting her eyes, “Just give me a moment,” she requested, hoping she wasn't ruining the mood too much when she shifted from under him and turned away, reaching into her own pants embarrassedly, “Don't... don't look,” she whispered, throwing a glance over her shoulder to make sure he wasn't staring before slipping her hand inside her clothes, to her crotch, and awkwardly untucking herself, knowing she would not be able to avoid it much longer and sighing in relief quietly once it was done. Her face still burning, she then returned to her previous spot, only to be welcomed by her boyfriend's questioning gaze. She bit her lip and took him by the shoulders, guiding him back over her and trying to avoid answering.

“Just had to take care of something,” she mumbled evasively and he must have understood that he shouldn't push the subject anymore since he nodded and returned to necking her sensuously, his fingers dancing over the band of her bra for a bit before moving downwards with the intention to move on from where they had stopped. But once those fingers reached their goal and pressed down, he momentarily paused.

“Oh...” he let out, apparently finally realizing what the short interlude had been all about. She froze, wincing, fully expecting him to act repulsed and disgusted by what he was touching. It was no longer just an abstract understanding in the back of his mind, after all. Most likely now that he was confronted with it directly, he would realize she was not for him after all...

But the only thing she could see once she fearfully locked eyes with him were his dilated from arousal pupils.

“I see this is definitely heading somewhere good, what with you being so excited already,” he whispered sultrily, starting to rub the small but very noticeable bulge under his palm through her honeydew-colored panties. She gasped, a small moan escaping her finally despite her best efforts to keep quiet. But he just continued for a while, letting her squirm and drinking in her every reaction hungrily.

“Look at that,” he added just as silkily as before once his efforts produced a wet spot in the front of her panties, “I'm getting you quite wet, am I not?”

She giggled at his silliness, her chest suddenly feeling lighter than ever, even with a damned bra still constricting it. He looked a bit bewildered by her sudden mirth, however.

“Should I not... uhm...” suddenly he was not able to find appropriate words but she took pity on him immediately.

“It's okay,” she reassured him, still smiling brightly, “I appreciate it if you try to talk as if I'm... well, you know. It makes me happy when you think of it and make the effort. But you don't need to be so careful either. I am well aware of what I have between my legs,” she pointed out, stretching upwards to peck him on the cheek, “I'm okay with it. This is who I am, and you accepting the entirety of it is all I could ever wish for. However, just for the record,” she added, twisting a little so she could get the drawer of her nightstand open and, after a bit of blind fumbling, managing to find what she was looking for. She then presented it to Nino with a cheeky smile, “ _This_ is what makes me _really_ wet and bothered,” she said in her best imitation of an erotic porn-star voice. He stared at the bottle of lube dumbly for a whole second, before rolling his eyes and taking it from her, only to put it on the side for now.

“Smartass,” he poked his tongue out. She giggled and Nino dove onto her swearing revenge for her mocking him. Shouko squealed when the man who loved her pressed his face between her boobs and blew air against the heated skin, tickling her and making stupid noises and they ended up rolling on the bed idiotically for a while, groping each other and laughing like children until they tired themselves out and collapsed in a breathless heap. A few seconds passed with the only sound in the room being their harsh breathing, and then Nino looked at her with an abrupt intensity.

“Distracted?” he asked, and she nodded, letting out another open-mouthed laugh.

“Perfectly.”

He seemed more than satisfied with the answer, leaning in to kiss her deeply now that they had somewhat calmed down. Their previous mood had obviously been broken by now, but it didn't take them long to get back on the right track, what with their tongues battling inside their mouths in the most gentle and drawn-out fight ever. At long last, she felt his hands sneaking around her to unclasp her bra and she took the opportunity to somehow kick off her jeans and underwear (which have already managed to get down to her knees during their chaotic tumbling around the bed earlier) without the help of her hands, all while not separating even for breathing.

It was only when Nino finally managed with his task and her supple breasts were free to spill out from the prison of the bra that they finally let each other go. Nino sat up, straddling her hips so he could slide the straps of the bra off her arms and throw it to the side. Then he took a moment to simply admire her, splayed out before him, now completely naked. She couldn't help but feel self-conscious about it, but he stroked her sides with ghost-like touches and whispered heartfelt compliments that made her relax.

“I think it's rather unfair that _you_ still have your pants on,” she pointed out after the moment had become unbearably long for her and, luckily, that was enough to get Nino to move again. He made a quick job of taking off his own pants and underwear, only to realize that the bottle of lube had fallen off somewhere during their mock-fight earlier. As he leaned over the edge to search for it on the floor, Shouko had a great chance to admire his cute, bare ass. And then again when he inquired about condoms and she directed him to the same drawer of the nightstand. He raised an eyebrow at her very pleased expression once he had turned back to her, but she just waved him off.

Despite being ready now, they still weren't in any rush. They went back to exploring each other instead and Nino finally gave her round, soft breasts the attention they deserved, lathering them with licks and kisses and pinching her small, perky nipples until they were a little sore and she was mewling at him to stop because the heat coiling between her legs was becoming unbearable.

Of course, he noticed _that_ too. But once he started sliding down her body, getting closer and closer to the hardness between her legs, she had to stop him one more time.

“Don't,” she whispered, embarrassed. As silly as that sounded, she was not ready for _that_ and she couldn't imagine he would enjoy it anyway, “You don't have to... and, I'd rather you didn't,” she pleaded him to understand. And as always, he did.

“Okay, Shouko-chan,” he listened immediately and raised himself back up where he made her sigh as he brushed his lips over her eyelids that instinctively had fluttered closed, “Are you ready, then?”

She couldn't answer with more than just a tiny nod, her heart seemingly trying to slam out of her ribcage from all the excitement and nervousness she was feeling now that the moment had come. But he was gentle, so gentle. Shushing her, comforting her with a continuous murmur of sweet nothings whenever it seemed like she would tense up too much. He opened the bottle of lube quickly and guided her to spread her legs wide enough with his hands before starting to prepare her. And because she trusted him completely, it didn't feel nearly as bad as she had feared. His short fingers were patient and nimble as they moved, slipping into her one by one and gradually opening her up, playing her body as skillfully as he did one of his musical instruments, making her feel good just from that much already.

“Does it still feel like much, or did you get used to it already,” he asked her, moving three fingers in and out of her without much trouble anymore, spreading them out sometimes to loosen her more.

“I... I'm ready,” she whimpered, her need overwhelmingly strong and apparent by then, “I want you... Kazunari. Please,” she urged him passionately, using his name for the first time because it felt so right in that moment. He froze, his head snapping upwards to stare at her, but then he seemed to fill with such incredible happiness that she realized she should have done this much earlier.

“Understood,” he said, his eyes shining with love. Carefully, he withdrew his fingers and got a condom out of its wrapper and onto his considerable length with practiced each. If there was one thing that still intimidated her, it was his size. But once he shifted into place and he could feel him nudging at her entrance, even that didn't matter anymore.

Their eyes locked, and it just hit her. That this was the most perfect moment. And that he was the most perfect man. Even now, waiting for her to nod one more time, to give him a sign that she was really okay with this because he would never just assume it of her, never require this of her.

This was the best time. She gathered what little strength she still had into her trembling body and kissed him as hard as she could before collapsing back again.

“I love you,” she whispered her own confession to him. His eyes widened for a fraction of a moment but then he caught himself.

“Of course you do,” he announced pompously, “Who could ever resist me?”

“Idiot,” she mumbled grouchily, but then looked up and gave a small nod.

-*-

It wasn't even a full month since they met, she realized as she followed her lover's lazy movements in the room as he took care of cleaning them up and discarding the used condom and tissues so they could sleep comfortably.

That was a pretty damn short time for her life to turn upside down. But really, she thought to herself petulantly. she deserved it. It was about time her luck finally turned for the better after years and years of living alone and miserable and facing one challenge or blow of life after another.

As he lied down beside her, slipping under the blanket himself and sighed in contentment, she decided she would not question it. She would not doubt it. Someone out there must have though she deserved Nino in her life, and she would forever be grateful for that. For her silver lining that had grown until he became the sun itself.

In the end, there was only one thing that still continued to bother her now. She turned, careful to keep the blanket up to her neck, covering her naked figure, and pressed a kiss to the back of her boyfriend's neck once she could reach it.

“Mm?” Nino inquired sleepily, recognizing it as a request of attention. Shouko shifted a little more, draping herself over his back in a way that made her breasts squish against his back, but she couldn't possibly feel self-conscious about that after what had just happened. Instead, she nuzzled her nose into the hair behind her lover's ear.

“I'm hungry,” she whispered finally.

Kazunari groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of Her Silver Lining. I hope you guys will be satisfied with the way it ended. Personally, I'm more proud with myself for finishing it and for the WAY I finished it than I had expected to be. Hopefully, it wraps things up nicely enough that the wait for the sequel won't be too bad. When/If the sequel comes. Hopefully it WILL, but you know. I don't wanna make promises, just in case.
> 
> AND THIS IS WHERE I SAY A HUUUUUGE THANKS TO ALL THE READERS! Really, guys, I am so grateful for the support I got for this story. Those of you who stuck around from start to finish, leaving comments all the way (you know who you are, people, I love each of you to no end!) or just reading it silently. Those of you who found HSL unexpectedly and liked it enough to get through the whole thing. Those of you who are only going to read this some time in the future. Even those who dropped off - I know at least a couple of people who were challenged by the, uhm, content matter and I don't know if they got through their >_> inhibitions >_> to finish. But the idea that I might have made someone reconsider their thoughts about the admittedly (and regretfully) still rather touchy subject makes me really happy.
> 
> I would really love to hear all of your thoughts about the story now! For example, if there are things you wish I'd correct/address in the sequel, or the sort of things you want more/less. Things you agreed on and things you didn't. Stuff like that. I am always looking to improve after all :)
> 
> Thank you again! Let's meet on the next story, which will be... Flavour of Love actually, if we're speaking about long/chaptered projects at least. It's about time I got that one wrapped up >_>


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